I’ve worked at many companies in the past that were obsessed with the language of Quality. They talked constantly about Quality and had dozens upon dozens of metrics to measure it. They had shelves upon shelves of giant 3-ring binders full of quality documents and quality logs.
But I’m not convinced they actually knew what quality was.
Management chant the quality mantra one moment … and the next moment tell Engineering to reduce the costs of the components used in the design. They did not recognize the irony of that. They essentially told us on a daily basis, “Make our products as crappy as possible … in a quality-conscious way.”
Another problem with quality metrics … and metrics in general … is that if a company manages solely to metrics for metrics’ sake, it sometimes misses the forest for the trees. For instance, in the cartoon above, Biff is far more concerned that a single quality metric is out of whack than with the fact that only 23 units shipped last month.
Biff (the cartoon one), is actually more savvy than I give him credit for in this comic. If I weren’t going for a cheap metrics-based laugh, I would have had his head explode at the fact that only 23 units shipped in a month. But that has more to do with cash flow than quality metrics. His head will probably explode when he sees the previous month’s financial statements. That’s a strip for another day.
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That is a world I want no part of. I want deadlines to be broken, budgets fat and bulbous. And I want my sky smog-filled.
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You just described my world perfectly. My retirement plan is to have my body dragged out to the dumpster after I expire at my desk at work.
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LOL
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I’m so happy that crap is in my rearview mirror. I think if I had to do one more ISO interview I’d jump out a window.
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I wish it was in my rearview mirror, too!
I laughed when you mentioned ISO. The company I was working at with ISO-9000 certification became the Next Big Thing decided to get their certification. After a year, the only thing I knew about ISO-9000 certification is that it made ISO-9000 consultants rich. It generated about 200 binders full of documents that no one ever read and didn’t make our products or processes any better … it just documented what we did, whether it was good, bad, or indifferent.
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Yeah, we were ISO 9001 and 14001. I, being the lucky person I am, was the coordinator for our site that was comprised of about 1000 people. Such fun!
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Oh wow! Lucky you! I can’t imagine how much “fun” that would have been. The company I worked for when the whole ISO certification thing came along hired a person specifically for that. I always felt so sorry for him. He always had a very beat-down look about him, like an abused dog. I kept expecting him to start just openly drinking on the job.
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Poor guy, I feel his pain. BUT I learned a lot about our process. That made it a little easier when I had to train a bunch of supervisors on our new computer system. Good god, they really did put it to me, didn’t they?
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Yes they did! Sounds like cruel and unusual punishment!
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Too real, Biff. Too real.
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Said in jest by a quality systems developer.
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I have worked with many, many fine people who worked in Quality over the years and they’ve all told me many “Tales of the Insane”, such as was the inspiration for tonight’s cartoon. I honestly don’t know why Quality people don’t drink on the job. I sure would!
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Thanks, Shawn! It comes from “living the dream” as a management drone. After awhile the insane things I say actually start to make sense. That’s when I know I’ve been working somewhere too long.
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ha!
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Sort of like being asked to meet an impossible deadline with a complete, error free project using no overtime.
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Yes! Exactly! They expect the world to be delivered on time and under-budget while consuming no resources. I wish I could go through life that delusional. It must make everything much more enjoyable.
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