Okay … here we go. It’s blog time!
[Stares slack-jawed at computer screen for 45 minutes.]
Oh, who am I kidding? Blogs are for people with interesting lives. There are only so many ways I can re-package and re-sell this lump of beige … lumpy … insipidity. It’s like I’m trying to sell you a Pet Rock™, except that I’ve already sold you the same one 55 times before. Oh, sure, you make a pretty good gift face, but in your head you’re thinking, “Wow … this is the exact same rock this guy gave me yesterday, except this one has not the same rock written on it in purple Sharpie.™”
I should just give up.
Hey! Who are you?
Why, I’m your Fairy Blog Mother.
Oh cool! Can we sing “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo”? I love that song!”
No … Blog. Blogmother! Try to focus.
Ow! Hey! You whacked me with your wand. That wasn’t very nice. And it hurt!
Oh, suck it up, you big baby! I only have a minute. I have 759 more disillusioned bloggers to visit tonight.
Wow! That many?
Yes, and that’s just tonight. Tomorrow I’m pulling a double shift to try to clear up the backlog a little. You think you’re the only blogger who lives a bland, vapid, nugatory life?
Hey! I’m standing right here!
Like I said, I’m a little pressed for time tonight. I don’t have time to come up with euphemisms.
So how does this work? Are you going to cast a spell on me or something? Make me interesting? Make my life glamorous and fascinating?
Again, I am a fairy blogmother. You keep confusing me with that other company that has a much bigger budget. And that gives their employees benefits.
So … no magic? I’m not suddenly going to be interesting?
So … what? Do I get like a pep talk or something? Where you convince me that my life really is interesting and that I just need to look deeper inside myself?
No, I’m not going to lie to you. You’re life is pretty dull. I was watching the tape to prepare for this visit and I nodded off three times. One time I even hit my head on the monitor.
So I guess I’m at a loss as to what exactly you’re doing here. No magic. No pep talk. What exactly does a fairly blogmother do?
You’re looking at it. You got this fine post out of it.
What? This? This is all I get?
What did you have before I got here?
Good point. So what’s the wand for then, if you don’t do magic?
This? This isn’t a wand. It’s a chopstick. I was having chop suey before I got here, but I must have dropped the other one when I poofed.
Well, thank you fairy Blogmother. I couldn’t have done this post without you. I may never forgive you for that.
Think nothing of it.
Oh, don’t worry. I won’t!
Hasta la vista, Baby.
Yeah … ciao.
I won’t be back.
Don’t let the door …
Ah well … that’s that then. It’s not as cool as a glass slipper … but it’s something.