Weekend Recap — With Your Host, Biff Biffington

Anchorman #2

Well, once again another weekend has evaporated into thin air.

It is very analogous to popping a bit of cotton candy into one’s mouth:  you’re pretty sure you put it in there, but there’s no real evidence that you did, other than a dangerous spike in your blood sugar levels.

Man, I gotta go buy me some better metaphors.


First, the Weather

It was a great weekend here in Biffville (Population: waterlogged).

I can say that with confidence because it rained slowly and steadily all weekend long.  This is much preferable to our usual method of acquiring rain, which is to receive a year’s worth of rain in a little over an hour.

Since this was a slow, soaking rain, some of it may have actually soaked into the ground, thus guaranteeing us a bumper crop of dandelions and stinkweed next spring.  Be sure to have your cameras ready!

One of the side benefits of an entire weekend of rain is that I could not get out and mow the yard.   Tragic!  But what is one to do?  One must accept these setbacks in life philosophically.  Or in a coffee shop sipping a latte and reading an Archie comic book.


Next Up: A Fine Estate of Affairs

I spent a little time on Saturday morning walking about the spacious estate, hands behind my back, and saying “Hmmm” a lot.

It wasn’t MY estate, of course, for I don’t have one.

No, I took in a couple of estate sales over the weekend.

It is my philosophy that, if you were not born as part of the 1%, at least you can rummage through their cast-offs and offer them pennies on the dollar for it.

I have been through many of these eye-poppingly obscene mansions in the Dallas area in the past few years and I have observed a Universal Truth about rich people.  That is:

Rich people are just like us, but they buy their grot in bulk. 

They buy Scrabble games and Garfield mugs and Harry Potter CDs just like we do.  However, whereas we will buy one Garfield mug to drink our coffee out of, they will buy 20 or 30 of them.

Why?

Who knows?  It is one of the great mysteries of life.

Why does someone need fifteen Scrabble games?

Sadly, it is an age-old conundrum destined to go unanswered.

This leads one, naturally, to the question:  Are rich people more happy than we are?

The answer to that is:  You bet your sweet bippy that they are.

Who wouldn’t want 75 polo shirts of the exact same hue, hanging in the closet next to an African fertility mask that looks like Jimmy Durante after a night of heavy drinking?

If that doesn’t make you happy, nothing will.


Sports Roundup

Everything was rained out.  Even the indoor sports.


The Wrap-Up

So, that was about it.  As you can see, it was a very slow news weekend.

The rain was the big news, but even that is not a topic that will hold readers’ attentions for very long.

Next Sunday I’ll try to work in a few explosions and maybe a swimsuit model or a dog wearing a sweater.

 

 

4 comments

  1. 1. Weekends do evaporate while the weekdays endure. Must consult metaphor list for something insightful.
    2. Shocked that you had some rain, after that blast furnace you described earlier? Archie comic? I’ll pretend I did not see that and not sully my image of you as erudite man of the world.
    3. I was joking with my valet the other day – Peregrine (my pet name for him), why do I (or you since I would never go to Costco myself) buy in bulk? Legacy, sir, he replied.

    Have a pleasant week Biff!

    Liked by 1 person

    • 1. That reminds me. I need to get my Wheel ‘o Metaphors out of the attic and oil the bearings.

      2. Yep … significant rain … in Texas … in August. many here believe we are living in end times. And I only read Archie Comics for the articles.

      3. Peregrine sounds like a wise valet indeed. You might have him pick up another pack of valets for you next time he is in Costco. A gross or two ought to do it.

      Like

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