Biff Rambles On About … Fast(ing) Friday, Flood Flocks, and Fish Flakes

Biff Hiking #4


Well, we have finally made it to Friday evening.  And you know what that means!   It means it’s time to start dreading Monday morning.

Just kidding.

I won’t start doing that until late Saturday night.  One can’t rush these things.  Everything in it’s proper season.

I usually like to string three cliches in a row, but I couldn’t think of a third, so we’ll all just have to be satisfied with just the two.  Isn’t this a glorious age we live in, where two cliches in a row is deemed a hardship and a poverty?  In my day, we often just got the one cliche … and we were grateful for even that!  Cliches were hard to come by after the great cliche crash of ’84.  I can still remember the aphorism lines.  People were hoarding bromides.  There was the run on the bank of platitudes.  But things are much better now.   Everyone has plenty of cliches.  We even take them for granted sometimes.

But that’s enough silliness.  On to different topics.

Today on the way to work, I drove past the golf course that the recent rains have turned into a lake.  I saw hundreds upon hundreds … maybe thousands … of white wading birds.  It looked like a 20 acre flamingo exhibit at the zoo, except these birds were white, and about half the size of your standard issue Flamingo.

But it got me to thinking.  How did they know that the golf course was now a wetland?  I can understand if there were a handful of birds there.  They might have just been flying by and saw the new lake and swooped down to investigate.  But the weather has been too inclement to fly safely.   But even if the birds could fly, I still would expect that would explain only a hundred or two of the birds.

I finally reached the inescapable conclusion that these birds are networked.  Perhaps they all have Twitter accounts.  (Anyone who makes the obvious joke will be asked to leave.)  They were all like #NewLake.  #SubmergedGolfCourse.  #Wade18Holes.  What else could explain their sudden presence?

And, as soon as they arrived, I’m sure the more snooty, more trend-conscious birds were already looking down their beaks at the newly arrived tourist birds and saying to each other, “We simply must find a new place to holiday, Madge.  This place is becoming so Bourgeoisie.”  So soon they will all be gone again as the new lake’s popularity begins to wane and its Yelp reviews begin to nosedive.

Today at work, someone actually brought doughnuts.  If you want to simulate what doughnuts do to your typical office environment, try sprinkling some fish food flakes into an aquarium and observing the results.  The resulting fish feeding frenzy is an exact analog of the effect of doughnuts on office-dwelling humanoids.  Our floor’s admin, who was apparently worried that there would be left-over doughnuts, was going office-to-office and cajoling people to, “Please, for the love of all that is good and decent in the world, come get a doughnut!

I had no choice.  She shamed me into it.  I had to be polite and go get a doughnut.

Regular readers of this here humble little blog of mine may remember (here and here) that I have, since Christmas, been snacking on carrots and apples and water and eschewing my beloved Peanut M&Ms, regular Coke, and other assorted sugar bombs.  I have not mentioned it often, but I have been eating carrots and/or apples every day and have not back-slid even once.  (I have also been enjoying meat-less Fridays so far for Lent, but that is a post for another day.)

Anyway, I merely mention that to put into context this next sentence.

When I picked up a doughnut and bit into that sugar-encrusted, deep-fat-fried carbohydrate bomb, I nearly gagged.  I could only manage a forced smile (a grimace, really) while I chewed and thanked the admin for the doughnut.  I surreptitiously threw most of it away uneaten before I got back to my office.

This was a surprise to me.  I have enjoyed the occasional doughnut throughout my entire life and have quite enjoyed them.  One was usually my limit, but I enjoyed sharing them in office or social environments.  But to suddenly find them nauseating was something I had not expected.

Lest you think I am humble-bragging or patting myself on the back, I assure you that I could be led astray quite easily with the promise of Peanut M&Ms.  After all, I’m no angel.  Not even of my better self.  Every man his his price.

My price is a one pound bag of Peanut M&Ms.







  1. Everyone else talked about the birds, so I’m going to crazy things up a bit and chat about that donut. First of all, good for you! I’ve heard it said that we crave what we eat, i.e. that our taste buds want what they’re used to having. When I’m eating like garbage, all I want is more garbage, and it’s not actually satisfying. But when I’m eating healthy, I’ll look for a snack and find myself slicing up a sweet red pepper or a cucumber. I really enjoy Coke, too (it’s my carbonated beverage of choice) but I find that a treat of it when I’m at a restaurant is enough, because one serving will have me instantly craving a second glass, and possibly a third, until I’m feeling miserable and bloated but still wanting more sugar. Water is what I drink 99% of the time, and it’s really what satisfies me.

    The funny thing about eating healthy is that it sort of sets off an alarm in our bodies when there’s an intruder like a donut after a long break from them. Either you feel sick immediately like you did, or you pay for it the next day when your body does the “I told you so” thing . . . not to put an indelicate spin on things, of course.

    It sounds like you’re doing great with your apple and carrot snacks! Be firm about it as often as you can, and the occasional tiny treat will actually satisfy you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! And you are absolutely correct. I have noticed that the longer I eat good food, the less I crave junk food. I really just never think about it any more. And when it is laying there for the taking, it is much easier for me to walk away from it now. Not to say that it is easy every day! It isn’t. Some days I will really crave a double handful of Peanut M&Ms or a cold, frosty Coke. But I will have an apple and a bottle of water and the urge passes.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I could tell you why those birds of feather were all flocking together in that water, but I have already reached my cliche quota for the day. Great work on your eating, and on your posting here, too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Here’s hoping you get a whole new quota of cliches soon! I don’t think I would be able to get through my day without spouting off a dozen or two of them.

      And thanks for your kind words! Encouragement from my highly esteemed peers definitely helps.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Cliches are so much more available these days. Back in the day my family couldn’t afford proper cliches and we had to make do with truisms. Although my dad would always work extra shifts so he could afford some proper cliches for Christmas.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, I have such fond memories of Christmas chiches! My family, like yours, was also poor, so we couldn’t afford the fancy cliches and platitudes that the rich people enjoyed, but we always managed to have an old saw or banality or two. And, of course, there were always a Christmas chestnut or two.

      Thanks for reading and for sharing with me your memories of your childhood cliches! Perhaps we can teach younger generations what it was like back then.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. i’m assuming the birds were egrets. if they were cattle egrets, they might have come over from the nearest cattle feed lot, if there are any around.

    the doughnut thing – it means you can no longer change careers and become a cop.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Egrets? I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to really develop a taste for them.

      But seriously …. I live smack in the middle of a thousand square miles of suburbia. The only cows I know of around here are the plastic ones on the Chic-Fil-A billboards. But I suppose there might be roving bands of ninja cows skulking about undetected. Stranger things have happened. (This blog post, for example.)

      I was devastated to find out I can no longer be a cop. I have been told a few times in the past that I look quite dashing in blue. And in Kevlar. But if I can no longer be a cop, I can still be a man in a uniform. Most likely as a bellhop. But still ….


  5. This post was a rollercoaster for me. I was feeling all good about all of my days being Fridays…being retired and all. Then I felt sorry for you missing third cliche. You can’t please everyone, Biff…even yourself. 😉 Then I got really excited about the birds. What kind are they? You can’t just leave us bird enthusiasts hanging like that! Then you made me want a donut. In the end, I’m very happy that you reminded me that I need to feed my fish. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Linda! I’m glad my post was exciting enough to be compared to a rollercoaster. 🙂 Or maybe you just meant that it has its ups an downs. Either way, I am happy as always that you stopped by.

      I’m not sure what kind of birds they were. I don’t know much about birds. They were white, fairly tall, and were wading in water that was about 8 or 10 inches deep. Terns, maybe? It could have been a case of one good tern deserving another. Ha ha ha! (I apologize for dusting off that ancient old joke.) Or maybe it was an Ibis. The only birds I recognize on sight are grackles, chickens, crows, turkeys, and penguins.


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