Biff Rambles On About … The Peoples Courting, Apple Updates, and Olympic Aspirations

Biff Hiking #3


Since my attempts at fiction are received with all the enthusiasm usually reserved for recitations of the tax codes dealing with depreciation and amortization of capital equipment delivered in monotone in a sensory deprivation chamber, I thought I’d go back to ye olde journal entries.

It was even topical fiction!  About Valentine’s Day, for Pete’s sake!

But stats don’t lie.  The people have spoken.

Ye olde Vox Populi.

Vox Populi don’t like no backtalk or sass.

Here’s an apple update.  No, not the kind of update that bricks your phone for an hour.  No, this is much more boring than that.

You may remember a couple of weeks ago that I wrote about giving up Peanut M&Ms and instead attempting to eat healthy food, such as apples.  I got off to a slow, messy start.  Well, I’m happy to report that after two weeks of really sticking to it (or getting really sticky), I am getting to where I actually enjoy eating apples at work.  I slice them up at home using my handy-dandy apple slicer, toss the resulting wedges into a Ziploc® baggie, and into my ice-packed lunch bag.  Today at around 2:30 or so, I actually found myself looking forward to having my apple break.

I never thought I’d see this day!  I thought I was permanently and hopelessly addicted to Peanut M&Ms® and Coke®.  But I am now living proof that bad habits can be kicked.

Also, I’ve never thought about starting a food blog, but apparently they are very popular.  So here is my first attempt:

Grab an apple.  Slice.  Eat.  Wash hands afterwards.  And for the record, I like Jazz™ apples.  They are sweet, but not too sweet, and tart, but not too tart, and they have a very satisfying crunch.  9/10 would recommend.  As a little bear is on record as saying, “They are just right.”

History is littered with people who were tempted by apples, and I am no better than they, except I’d rather be tempted by apple payola than actual apples.  So if anyone at the Jazz™ apple corporation would like to send a little payola my way, I am very receptive to the idea.  I have PayPal if that helps any.


Since the winter Olympics are going on with alacrity in South Korea even as I write this, it is a popular blog topic among us bloggers to talk about which events we would participate in if we had been born to rich, good-looking families in Colorado rather than into working class families who’s idea of sports consisted mostly trying to get in enough hours at work to feed their families.

So, after watching hours and hours of commercials broken up with brief snippets of luge, skeleton, biathlons, speed skating, figure skating, snowboarding, etc., I have come to a momentous decision about which sport I would best be suited for.

I think I could be that guy that sets up all the tiny little lane markers on the speed skating rink.  My personality is just compulsive enough that I wouldn’t mind painstakingly placing them at very precise intervals, and yet I have enough situational awareness to get out of the way when the skaters come around the bend at a high rate of speed.  It’s a win/win.

Or, Plan B, I’m pretty sure I could totally nail having one of those little tables that hands out hot chocolate to people.  I have never been able to figure out if they get paid for that or if it is just a free service that the Olympic committee pays for because they’re all about altruism and just doing things because it’s the right thing to do.  But even if it is just a gratis service I’m sure the actual doler-outers probably get some small remuneration, like maybe some of those cool plastic Olympic coins that they hand out for souvenirs, or maybe an official Olympic toque (left over from the 1976 Olympics in Innsbruck, Austria, and slightly irregular due to a supernumerary pom).

It’s like they say:  Dream Big!  Dream Often!







  1. I’ve just conducted a poll to see if my readers prefer the winter or summer Olympics, there’s been a lack of enthusiasm to say the least! I’ve always loved the Olympics and have even ridden on the Olympic Bobsleigh track in Tignes a couple of years ago! I only know one person mad enough to go down on the skeleton bob (the one where you lie face down on a ‘tea tray’). The G-force was so strong he could hardly lift his head and scuffed the skin off the end of his nose! Luckily, the skin grew back.


  2. I want to be the one to hand out the teddy bears to the medal winners! As for your attempts at fiction, I know exactly why your stats were lowish. It’s long. It should have been a series. People take a look at a post that long and just move on. It’s been in my inbox since you posted it just waiting for a time when I can actually sit down and enjoy it. You know I adore your writing style and others will, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yes! Teddy bear hander-outter would be a great job! Although, I’d probably get stuck with the job of cleaning up all of the teddy bears that people throw onto the ice after a performance.

      And you’re right about the length of the story. I suspected it would be a problem even before I clicked the “publish” button. I have struggled with story length my entire writing life. My short stories tend to be too long. My novels tend to be too short. My novellas are both too long and too short. WP (and blogs in general) is such a strange media when it comes to the length of articles. Our internet-induced shortened attention spans dictate that blog posts be very compact, so that makes blog sites non-ideal for anything but the shortest of short stories. I haven’t been able to figure out yet what the optimal way is to present a longish short story on WP yet. Fortunately (for both me and my readers), I am not struck with the urge very often to write short stories or longer fiction!

      Liked by 1 person

      • There is no reason to worry about post length. If it’s rather long it becomes a multi-part story, like you did with the Christmas piece. Plus, that leaves people wanting more and they’ll check in to see what happened next on the subsequent installment. I know I’m way out of line saying these things because it certainly isn’t my business, but I was so sad to hear that you suspected that your readers didn’t like you fiction. Poppycock I say, poppycock! ❤️💕❤️💕❤️

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thank you, Linda! You’re not out of line at all. I always appreciate the opinions of fellow writers. I thought briefly about breaking it up into smaller segments, but I just couldn’t find a good point at which to break it. Ironically, if it had been a longer story, it would have been easier to break it into segments. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  3. That apple recipe remind me of the apples my grandma used to make. I think the only difference is she cooked the apples and covered them in pastry but on reflection that seems excessive. I tried your recipe but accidentally ended up with peanuts covered in chocolate encased in a colourful sugar shell. All very nice but I went wrong somewhere…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think that was one of those happy mistakes Bob Ross was always on about. If you started out with apples, but ended up with chocolate covered peanuts, I’d say that was serendipity at its finest! I’m jealous, actually. All of the apples I take to work to eat keep turning out to be just apples.

      And the guy I keep buying them from is always asking me, “So how do you like THEM apples?”

      Liked by 1 person

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