Biff Sock Pow

Finding the humor in everyday life.

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Read More? I’m Out.

 

 

We no sooner vanquish something annoying about the Internet before the Internet strikes back and comes up with something equally or more annoying.

First there were viruses.  We got virus scanners.

Then there were popup ads.  We got popup blockers.

Now there is the dreaded “Read More” link in virtually every story.

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It is so hard to find articles worth reading on the Internet any more.  There are literally tens of thousands (or more) new articles on the Internet every day.  Trying to sort through them all to find one that is actually interesting or well written or somehow relevant to our lives is tedious and time consuming and soul-sucking.  But then we finally see something that piques our interest and our eyes light up and our pulse quickens and we think, “At last!  Something worth reading!”  And so we click on it.

But alas!

What we are presented is a short lead-in paragraph followed by the annoying “Read more” button.  Now, I know why they do this.  Clicks equals dollars.  So if they can get you to click on their story twice rather than just once, then they’ve won.

But I don’t WANT to click twice.  It’s annoying.  I feel like I’m being manipulated and exploited (which I am).  And it happens so often that 99% of the time I don’t click on the “Read more” button.  I click on the little “X” in the upper right corner and I’m out.

Take THAT, you marketing parasites!

How to Break Dallas

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Some of you might have heard on the news that we here in Dallas had a major weather event today.  It was horrible!  Roads were closed.  Cars piled up on the side of the road.  Businesses closed.  All of the weather people and news anchors took to the air to wring their hands, pull out tufts of hair, and rend their clothing.  Roving reporters were dispatched to every corner of the Dallas / Fort Worth metroplex to cover this weather disaster.  They stood on bridges overlooking roadways that were littered with the broken remains of semi trucks and cars.  You could practically feel the reporters wanting to cry out in despair, “Oh!  The humanity!”   And as I watched them standing on those bridges, I kept thinking to myself, “Please don’t jump, Mr. Distraught News Reporter Person!”

What was this weather event that caused so much chaos in one of the largest, most educated, most technologically advanced cities in the Western Hemisphere?  Was it a massive tornado?  Was it a fracking-induced earthquake?  Was it torrential rains?

Why, it was no less than a trace of snow!  It flurried big snowflakes for maybe an hour.  The temperature was so cold that the snow was dry and powdery when it hit the ground and so it mostly blew away and accumulated in grassy areas.  The roadways remained mostly dry.  It piled up on car windshields, but blew away like powdered sugar at the slightest breeze.

It took me twice as long to get home from work as it usually does because a major bridge I have to cross had been constricted from 3 lanes down to 1.  When it was finally my turn to cross it, the bridge was almost completely dry.  Two cars sat on the bridge in the closed-off lanes about 30 yards apart with no apparent damage to either vehicle.  Perhaps they just panicked and parked there.  In fact, every accident I passed looked to be a case of a driver seeing a snowflake hit their windshield, them screaming in terror, and then driving off the road, up on the curb and into an embankment, bridge abutment, or median.

I love Dallas.  There is a lot to be proud of here.  It is a very dynamic, cosmopolitan, can-do kind of city.

But we lose our collective minds when a single snowflake hits the ground.

Stay strong, Dallas!  You’ll get through this tragedy!

 

The Likelihood of Monday

 

Monday came and went. The day which I woke up this morning dreading proved to be unworthy of dread. I didn’t have a particular reason to dread it. It was just Monday. Mondays are dreaded simply because of their reputation. They are the playground bullies of weekdays. Monday will push you down and take your lunch money. Monday will give you a wedgie. 

But do they really? 

Or do we just believe they will because we have heard that a friend of a friend of a friend got pushed around by Monday? 

Monday’s are just another day. They are no more good nor more bad than any other day. When something bad happens, there is only a one in seven chance that it will occur on a Monday. 

It’s just that we’re usually in a state of nervous anticipation coming off of the weekend. If we worked seven days a week, we probably would think nothing at all of Monday.

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