We Interrupt This Pandemic For a Word From Our Sponsor

Pan-Wow Meme v1

As we all suffer through the worst pandemic in human history since the last one we had 11 years ago, I thought I’d pass along some of my ruminations on this most recent export from China.

Much of what I know about this pandemic I have gotten from watching television.  And since I don’t have cable, but only a set of rabbit-ear antennas, my viewing options are extremely limited.

Therefore, my knowledge of the pandemic is based entirely on the commercials I see as I watch reruns of  Match Game ’76,   Barney Miller,   That Girl,   and The Paul Lynde Show.

It’s too bad that the commercials from the 1970s are not on, too.  They’re much more upbeat and optimistic than this modern dreck.  And, trust me, it was not easy to be optimistic in the 1970s.

    • Stagflation
    • Swine Flu (remember THAT one?)
    • Supertrain
    • Velour
    • Leisure suits
    • Watergate
    • Avocado-colored appliances

I mean … come on!

Anyway, after watching an endless stream of these modern, pandemic-themed commercials over the past few weeks, here is everything I now know about the pandemic.

Cue the sad piano music!

  1. These are strange days indeed
  2. We are all in this together, but if you get closer than 2 meters to someone, they will break your kneecaps
  3. Very attractive people who live in giant glass homes overlooking scenic forests are the most affected by the pandemic, and so must exercise relentlessly on astoundingly expensive exercise equipment in order to cope with the anxiety.  And you should, too, you slacker!
  4. Things will get better a lot faster if you buy a luxury car
  5. Giant corporations feel very strongly that everyone should stay home, the better to order things online so that their underpaid employees can get out into the bright red circles on the pandemic map and deliver things to your door
  6. Those same giant corporations are so very thankful to their employees … especially since they are working in these dangerous times for the same low wages they’ve always earned.  To show their appreciation, these corporations have taken out very heartfelt and expensive commercials with sad music in them to thank their employees, and thus consuming all of the budget that they could have used to pay out hazard bonuses.
  7. Government agencies strongly recommend you buy things that are no longer available to protect yourself from something you are powerless to protect yourself against.
  8. Did I mention that buying a luxury car will end the pandemic 4 months sooner?

 

Anyway, not to state the obvious, but the sooner this insanity is over with, the better off we’ll all be.

If for no other reason than all of these disingenuous commercials will come to an end.

 

 

 

19 comments

  1. Well said! Totally agree! Here in Canada, at least where I live, the greed of the cable providers and the endless shuffling of new and cancelled programming (in constant search of a big ratings hit) have made today’s T.V almost unwatchable. Add to this the same endless repetitive looping of nonsense commercials over and over and more and more frequent and your left with little time for the actual program that you originally tuned in for! And usually that sucks too!

    Only get a few fuzzy channels on your rabbit-ears you say? — I say, Lucky you!

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  2. What do you have against avocado colored appliances, big bro?? I actually have the next to worst colored appliances myself. You might remember that weird ”20-years-of-smoking” golden yellow that also existed back when the green appliances you are referring to were the thing? Well, when I left my parents’ home, they kindly gave me their whole set (washer, dryer, oven and fridge) – they were buying the cool stainless kit for themselves. Well these Sears appliances were already more than 20 years old when I got them, and add another 20 that I’ve had them… They are ugly, I’ll give you that, but man… Did they build stuff to last, back then!!

    I feel like you about number seven. Add to that that they are now trying to convince us that what was worth locking ourselves in and throwing rocks at anyone knocking at your door from the second floor balcony, is now really not so dangerous, and that we should try to start living an almost normal life.

    *Sigh* Stay safe, dear Biff! The world needs you (well.. I do 😉 ) xx

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  3. You’ve hit the nail squarely on the head on #6 with your verbal (gold plated $200) hammer. I also get bugged by the nonstop stream of drug company commercials, as if I have any clue what any of those drugs are or what they’re good for (besides oily discharge.) I bet the advertising budget is much higher than the research budget…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Dave! I agree. Pretty much everything about commercial TV has come to annoy the bejeebers out of me. I know they need to make money to stay on the air, but the non-stop and relentless onslaught of commercials and product placements and commercial twists on every show has just exhausted me. I have pretty much stopped watching it except for the over-the-air channels down here that play shows from the 1970s and 1980s. And I have learned to mentally block out the commercials.

      And you’re spot-on about the drug company ads! I always wonder why they’re advertising these. It’s not like I can rush out and buy them. I don’t even know what half of them are for!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. One of my favourite saying is “The most important things in life aren’t things.” The push to market comfort items to people (even luxury cars) and replace the things that aren’t things is the cynical marketplace trying to make a buck. Can’t hug your grandkids? Buy a car. Can’t visit your elderly parents? Order something from Amazon. It’s a distraction, for sure.

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are so right! I suppose human beings have always been materialistic, but it seems like it’s gotten much worse in this internet age where everything is just a few keystrokes away. And, as you said, people replace the truly important things in life with mere junk and trinkets. I think that is why people seem to be more unhappy than they ever were, even though we life in a time of great abundance.

      Liked by 1 person

    • You’re so right! They’re so fake. And yet … people must be falling for them, because they keep making more and more of them. Maybe one day we will all wake up and become immune to them and they will go aaway.

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    • Yes, I’ve had similar thoughts. However, I’m never sure how to give a gift to someone like that without making them uncomfortable. I have taken to giving tips to people I never would have considered tipping before, but even that seems inadequate.

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  5. We have lovely mini BBC films of lovely families -‘things are a little strange at the moment’ voice over – doing home schooling at the kitchen table and all smiling at each other, not screeching at each other and kicking the dog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah yes … the loving vignettes of perfect families. I think that actually contributes to everyone’s feelings of sadness and frustration. Everyone watches those and thinks to themselves, “Why can’t I be as happy and as together as THOSE people are?” On the other hand, a realistic vignette might be quite disturbing to watch on TV!

      Liked by 1 person

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