According to the ol’ blog on the wall, it has been nearly a month since I last posted on here.
There are several reason for that, all of which would bore you to unconsciousness. Heck, they would even bore ME to unconsciousness, and I’m the one making them up.
So let’s just move along, shall we?
And don’t forget to visit the Biff Sock Pow gift shop on your way out. For today only, plastic snow globes with the distinctive BSP logo are 50% off (snow sold separately, as are the globe, the base, and the glycerin filling).
It has been rather crazy at work for the past 2 months. I made the mistake late last year at my annual performance review of indicating that I wanted a change.
What I said: “I am ready to take on new challenges.”
What they heard, “I want you to load me up with high-stress, high-profile, and virtually guaranteed-to-fail dumpster fires until I lose all feeling in my left arm and one of my eyeballs is considerably larger than the other.”
My wish became their command and the work has been piling up faster than corn cobs on an Orville Redenbacher factory floor.
Like the wise man once said, “Be careful what you ask for!”
He then went on to say, “And for gosh sakes, sweep up all those corn cobs and put them in the dumpsters out back. And set them on fire.”
The weather here in Dallas has been very boring for the past few months. We have not had any winter to speak of, but neither has spring arrived.
I received for Christmas a whiz-bang, top-of-the-line personal weather station and I have to keep tapping the side of the display to see if it is working. The temperature has not budged much from the 50 or so degrees it is every night and day. The barometric pressure has not moved in weeks. And there has been no measurable rainfall.
The only way I know it is doing anything at all is because squirrels like to play ring-around-the-rosie with my anemometer and so the wind-speed readout is always indicating that there is a good, stout breeze outside, even when the leaves in the trees are not moving at all.
So, really, it is not an anemometer at all, but just a tilt-o-squirrel.
Price of admission is one acorn. (No refunds.)
Biff Sock Pow 
Dear Biff,
Just to let you know that, at your apparent request (?), I’ve allowed you access to my private website, but it has been defunct for several years. The address of my only “operational” website (where I occasionally post humorous verses and, in the past, used to write jocular sketches about English grammar) is:
https://flaming-english.com/
I haven’t been posting much over the past year because I’ve been working on my book of comic verse (many publishers, I believe, look for stuff that hasn’t been published anywhere, so I have to be careful).
This comes with my best wishes to the wittiest, cleverest, most original author ever!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Anna! I’m not sure how I ended up at your defunct site. That is what is linked to in your icon in my message box. I will still enjoy perusing through your old posts, though. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
“I want you to load me up with high-stress, high-profile, and virtually guaranteed-to-fail dumpster fires until I lose all feeling in my left arm and one of my eyeballs is considerably larger than the other.” Ah that line is worth the admission price! (I’ve been paying all these years, assume you’ve been receiving my largesse)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so glad you liked it! It seemed an apt description of how I’ve been feeling lately.
And, yes, the checks have been showing up right on time. With another hundred checks or so, I should be able to buy that large Starbucks mocha I have been dreaming of. 😀
LikeLike
Yes, sorry about that , Biff. Those cheques I am writing for two cents are not exactly sustainable. I’ve gone through several cheque books. Will you accept an Esso gas station points card?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I accept all major (and minor) forms of plastic, including Hollywood actors.
LikeLike
We don’t need a weather station–we have 24 hour Weather shows that tell us everything we need to know without even having to look out the window. The only think the Weather Channel can’t tell us is whether the squirrels are tilting–I rely on you for that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Suzanne! I’m glad to know that I provide useful information. 😉
Like you, I have access to 24-hour, non-stop, constantly-updated weather reports, both on the internet and on TV. However, there’s just something satisfying about knowing what’s going on in my very own back yard, as opposed to the 10,000 square miles that makes up North Texas. With that much area to cover, the weather people speak in such broad generalities, that it is virtually meaningless.
LikeLike
Our squirrels are envious and demanding a similar toy and the weather to go with it, like the rest of they are fed up with the rain.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have always loved rain, primarily because I can sit inside and look out at it while drinking coffee. I can see how a squirrel would have a different opinion of rain, since they must get out in it and gather food. And who likes wearing wet fur? I certainly hope it doesn’t shrink when it gets wet!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brilliant, as always. But what luxury: no measurable rainfall. You must have sent it all to us in Britain: we’ve just had the wettest February since records began some 150 years ago!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Goodness! That must be quite a lot of rain, since you get quite a bit of rain even in a “normal” year.
Texas is principally arid, but we tend to get all of our rain all at once. We will go 3 or 4 months without a single drop, and then get 10 or 12 inches in a single day. I wish we could figure out a way to spread it out more evenly! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Tilt-A-Squirrel”: I love it! Would have made a great title!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Authoress. 🙂 I started to put that in the title, but felt it would ruin the punchline later on in the piece.
Thank you for stopping by! It’s always a pleasure to speak with you. 🙂
LikeLike
We have rambunctious squirrels too! They steal walnuts off our tree and plant them in the garden. Hence we have four or five saplings in the garden which is only about 30 ft by 50 ft. They grow very big (the trees, not the squirrels)
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hi, Christine!
I have the same problem with squirrels and oak trees. Every spring I will find several dozen oak tree saplings in places I’d prefer them not to be, thanks to the squirrels burying acorns everywhere and then forgetting where they buried them. (something I can really relate to!)
But at least walnut trees sound very exotic, and the nuts can actually be eaten. Acorns are, unfortunately, toxic. So feel free to send your walnut-planting squirrels down to Texas!
LikeLiked by 1 person
shall I send them over the sea…? I’m trying to get a lady who has some fields to take them. X
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would love them, but I’m pretty sure there are laws against transporting squirrels across borders. Unless there is an organization called “Squirrels Without Borders” that I’m not aware of. But that organization my be more about squirrels who run failing B&Bs.
LikeLike
Ah, I thought there were restrictions, and now with the virus you can’t have ‘squirrels on a plane’…
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
The entertainment value alone would be well worth it!
LikeLike
Yes, completely nuts!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or, just like the O’Henry candy bar, it’s mostly nuts!
LikeLike
What’s O’Henry.?
LikeLike
What’s O’Henry? we used to have an advert song ‘nuts, whole hazelnuts, Cadburys take them and cover them in chocolate’
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was a candy bar from a long time ago. I’m not sure they even make them any more. But their slogan was, “It’s mostly nuts!”
I need to start using less dated references! ha ha!
LikeLike
It’s because I live in the UK different memories
LikeLiked by 1 person
I barely remember it myself. I just remember the jingle on TV when I was a small kid.
LikeLike
Yes, there are a few I remember.. Beer at home means Davennports, that’s the beer, lots of cheer…. They stick.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s amazing how much of our brain is filled with old jingles and ads and other detritus from our childhoods.
LikeLike
So true x
LikeLike