Biff Rambles On About … Faux Snow, Corn Cob Pipe Dreams, and  Squirrely Weather

Biff Hiking #4

 

According to the ol’ blog on the wall, it has been nearly a month since I last posted on here.

There are several reason for that, all of which would bore you to unconsciousness.   Heck, they would even bore ME to unconsciousness, and I’m the one making them up.

So let’s just move along, shall we?

And don’t forget to visit the Biff Sock Pow gift shop on your way out.  For today only, plastic snow globes with the distinctive BSP logo are 50% off (snow sold separately, as are  the globe, the base, and the glycerin filling).


 

It has been rather crazy at work for the past 2 months.  I made the mistake late last year at my annual performance review of indicating that I wanted a change.

What I said:  “I am ready to take on new challenges.

What they heard, “I want you to load me up with high-stress, high-profile, and virtually guaranteed-to-fail dumpster fires until I lose all feeling in my left arm and one of my eyeballs is considerably larger than the other.

My wish became their command and the work has been piling up faster than corn cobs on an Orville Redenbacher factory floor.

Like the wise man once said, “Be careful what you ask for!”

He then went on to say, “And for gosh sakes, sweep up all those corn cobs and put them in the dumpsters out back.  And set them on fire.”


 

The weather here in Dallas has been very boring for the past few months.  We have not had any winter to speak of, but neither has spring arrived.

I received for Christmas a whiz-bang, top-of-the-line personal weather station and I have to keep tapping the side of the display to see if it is working.  The temperature has not budged much from the 50 or so degrees it is every night and day.  The barometric pressure has not moved in weeks.  And there has been no measurable rainfall.

The only way I know it is doing anything at all is because squirrels like to play ring-around-the-rosie with my anemometer and so the wind-speed readout is always indicating that there is a good, stout breeze outside, even when the leaves in the trees are not moving at all.

So, really, it is not an anemometer at all, but just a tilt-o-squirrel.

Price of admission is one acorn.  (No refunds.)


 

 

 

 

 

30 comments

  1. Dear Biff,

    Just to let you know that, at your apparent request (?), I’ve allowed you access to my private website, but it has been defunct for several years. The address of my only “operational” website (where I occasionally post humorous verses and, in the past, used to write jocular sketches about English grammar) is:

    https://flaming-english.com/

    I haven’t been posting much over the past year because I’ve been working on my book of comic verse (many publishers, I believe, look for stuff that hasn’t been published anywhere, so I have to be careful).

    This comes with my best wishes to the wittiest, cleverest, most original author ever!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “I want you to load me up with high-stress, high-profile, and virtually guaranteed-to-fail dumpster fires until I lose all feeling in my left arm and one of my eyeballs is considerably larger than the other.” Ah that line is worth the admission price! (I’ve been paying all these years, assume you’ve been receiving my largesse)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We don’t need a weather station–we have 24 hour Weather shows that tell us everything we need to know without even having to look out the window. The only think the Weather Channel can’t tell us is whether the squirrels are tilting–I rely on you for that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Suzanne! I’m glad to know that I provide useful information. 😉

      Like you, I have access to 24-hour, non-stop, constantly-updated weather reports, both on the internet and on TV. However, there’s just something satisfying about knowing what’s going on in my very own back yard, as opposed to the 10,000 square miles that makes up North Texas. With that much area to cover, the weather people speak in such broad generalities, that it is virtually meaningless.

      Like

    • I have always loved rain, primarily because I can sit inside and look out at it while drinking coffee. I can see how a squirrel would have a different opinion of rain, since they must get out in it and gather food. And who likes wearing wet fur? I certainly hope it doesn’t shrink when it gets wet!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Goodness! That must be quite a lot of rain, since you get quite a bit of rain even in a “normal” year.

      Texas is principally arid, but we tend to get all of our rain all at once. We will go 3 or 4 months without a single drop, and then get 10 or 12 inches in a single day. I wish we could figure out a way to spread it out more evenly! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Authoress. 🙂 I started to put that in the title, but felt it would ruin the punchline later on in the piece.

      Thank you for stopping by! It’s always a pleasure to speak with you. 🙂

      Like

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