You might have observed a noticeable lack of effluvium billowing from the smokestacks here at BSP Industries lately.
What that means, for the metaphorically challenged, is that I have not posted much on my blog for several weeks.
There are many reasons for that, but we all know the only real reason is laziness, so let’s just set that aside for a moment and we’ll get back to it when we can. Or when we’re really drunk and feeling in a particularly confessional mood.
Any blogger, when trying to pick up the pieces after a long absence, is faced with two choices.
- Try to catch the reader up on what the blogger has been up to for the duration of the gap. Or,
- Pretend the gap never existed and pick right up as if nothing at all out of the ordinary has happened.
The downside of Option 1 is that the blogger will bore the reader into unconsciousness by filling them in on several weeks of mind-numbing mediocrity and inconsequentiality. This, to the reader, is like being cornered at a cocktail party by a life insurance salesman and receiving a dissertation on actuarial tables. The corner-ee will eventually try to choke themselves to death on a handful of cocktail nuts to escape the dissertation, becoming in the process (in the height of irony), a blip on an actuarial table under the category of “Deaths: nut-related”.
The downside of Option 2 is that the blogger must admit to themselves that skipping lightly over a month of non-blogging as if it never happened is, in effect, exactly what happened. That is, in the mind of the reader, nothing happened. And what point is there in recapping nothing? It is like publishing a newspaper in Limbo. Not only did nothing happen, but no one cares that nothing happened. It is the perfect marriage of apathy and lethargy. Except that no one cares about that, either. It is like the Inception of nihility.
So, fear not, dear readers, I will not bore you with an accounting of the past 3 or 4 weeks in which I didn’t blog.
However, there is a third option. It is what I like to call “Option 3”.
If Option 1 is a full recapping of what occurred in the gap, and Option 2 is ignoring what occurred in the gap, Option 3 is a full contemplation of the gap itself.
Option 3 can be considered “the navel contemplation” option.
What else could explain or justify this collection of belly-button lint masquerading as a blog post?
I should apologize to you for inflicting Option 3 on you, but frankly, this was still better than Option 1.