A Little Hot Chat

Biff in Sun 001

I’m trying to think of something other than the heat to write about.

All of the creative writing courses I’ve taken over the years, along with all of the creative writing books and magazines and on-line articles I’ve read, have all served up the same shopworn advice:

Write about what you know.

Well, what good is that?  The things I know about are of no interest to anyone, other than people who have some sort of fetish about Texas weather patterns.  I’m sure they are out there, but, frankly, they are not the audience I’m going for.

I was hoping for something more along the lines of people willing to pony up cash for for one of my future books (featuring poorly conceived and execrably executed cover art).

But, hey, if all I can get are weather fetishists, then so be it.

It was very hot today!

(Did you like that?  Do you want more?)

And when I say hot, I mean shoe-sole-melting, nausea-inducing, oven-mitt-steering-wheel-holding, skin-crackling, don’t-forget-and-lean-against-the-car, praying-that-the-A/C-holds-out-until-fall, epic-beat-down hot.

I mean hot enough to brand the emblem from your car key on the palm of your hand.

At this point, we are just in survival mode.  We are just trying to make it to the first sub-100-degree day without expiring.

Of course, we will settle for glass of iced tea in what passes for shade around here, but you’d better drink it quick before the ice melts and the tea boils away and you are left getting tongue burns trying to lick the tea residue from the inside of the glass.

The only thing keeping us going is the fantasy that soon it will be autumn.  And that means the temperatures will drop into the upper 90s (36 C) and we will be frolicking around like spring lambs, drinking pumpkin spice slushies and wearing sweaters and leggings and Uggs.

I certainly won’t be wearing those things, of course, but others will.  And they will be sweating like mules plowing the back 40.  But at least they will be stylish.

I, on the other hand, will still be wearing cargo shorts and T-shirts with pithy sayings on them and wearing sunglasses  and telling the kids that ring my doorbell that they’re a little old to be trick-or-treating.


So, for all you weather fetishists out there, how was this post?  Was it good for you?  Will you call me in a few days?

And do you mind if I smoke?

I can’t help it …. it’s this damn heat, you see.

26 comments

  1. I’ve always taken “write what you know” to be applied a little more abstractly.

    That said, I’m in the southern hemisphere where it is really very cold, and I’m suppressing the urge to write about it on a daily basis.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Lucy! That’s good advice. Abstraction can only improve my writing! (Just about anything would improve my writing! 😀 )

      I’m envious of your cold. I’ll trade you. How about sometime around early October? And I promise not to write about it incessantly (unless I get writer’s block again).

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I never tire of reading your witty prose, Biff. I agree with a suggestion that you could put your words to verse, I would truly look forward to that! I’ll get you started off: lots of words rhyme with ‘hot’, not so much parbroiled, barbeque, saute. I am not too discerning – it could be one of those free verse dealios where nothing rhymes!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Wilt! And I enjoy your cartoons, so the balance of power is maintained.

      I’ve honestly never been good at verse. See my comment to Noel below (or above … or however WP arranges comments) if you don’t believe me. I get too stressed out trying to write poetry. Although now I am seriously thinking about a poem in which I can work in the word “parbroiled”. It is screaming to be writ about.

      Liked by 1 person

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