Tiddling sounds naughty, but I assure you it’s not.
Trust me, I’m not about to sacrifice my G-rating on this blog merely for some gratuitous titillation.
No, to tiddle means to busy oneself with unimportant tasks.
And if this blog ain’t an unimportant task, then I’d like to know what is.
What better way to top of a day of brain-cell murdering tedium and spirit-crushing pointlessness?
Now, to the untrained ear, that may have sounded like a complaint. Likewise, to the untrained eye it may have also looked like a complaint. But I want to assure you that it was neither. I often feel like I should skulk about furtively at work, for I can’t believe they pay me to do what I do.
Little do they know that they could hire a monkey to do it. It does not even have to be a monkey that graduated at the top of his class. He just needs to know his way around an Excel spreadsheet and a PowerPoint slide deck and he’ll do just fine. It is a plus if he knows Visual Basic, but he could probably make do with a few VLOOKUP and SUMIF functions.
But more importantly, he needs to know how to sit in 3-hour long status meetings and remain conscious the entire time. It is certainly a bonus if he can toss around a few buzzwords, like engage, facetime, escalate, facilitate, swim-lane, socialize, burn-down, flatten, and de-barrier-ize. He should also be adept at using nouns as verbs, and vice-versa.
However, it won’t take long for this replacement monkey to realize that he is no longer doing what he was hired to do or what he is good at, but that his function has been reduced to “flinging things” (usually sticky-notes) at whiteboards and calling it “story-boarding”.
He will find himself on the wrong end of a “corporate realignment to core values” and will find himself “free to pursue his own interests“.
Almost none of which involve buzzwords.
Or a salary.