Thank you for tuning in this evening. We know you have a lot of choices in blogs to read, so we here at the Biff Blogging Network (BBN) are always quite grateful for any of you who actually tune in.
Not that I’m trying to pressure anyone, but the ratings come out next week and, frankly, if our readership numbers don’t pick up, we are going to be replaced with reruns of “Petticoat Junction”.
But don’t get excited. It will be the expurgated versions, and therefore Billie Jo’s, Bobbie Jo’s, and Betty Jo’s petticoats will be pixelated in the opening credits.
So now that that little bit of harmless coercion is out of the way, let’s get on with the Recap, shall we?
First, the Weather
We continue to have an unusually cool summer here in Dallas. Why, it barely reached 100 degrees (37 C) today! Usually this time of year we have hit 108 or 110 (42-43 C) easily and on a daily basis. This year, however, temperatures have remained in the low to mid 90s (~35 C).
The vegetation in and around Dallas have remained preternaturally green and lush.
All us Texans are snickering and nudging each other because all of the Californians who were recently forced to move here by their companies are looking around with their hands on their hips and their sweaters tied around their necks and saying, “Well, this isn’t so bad. I thought it would be a lot hotter.”
Us native and semi-native Texans will just sit back and let the comedy unfold naturally. We can’t wait to see the look on their faces when we have a true Texas summer day. They will no doubt think they took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up in one of the less desirable zip codes in Hades.
Have a Jolly Holly Quick Mess
For years I have been trimming the various shrubs and bushes on my property with a trusty pair of garden shears. It worked good enough, it was cheap, and it toned up my upper body like no amount of cross fit exercises can do, However, the results were often short lived (both for the bushes and my abs).
But now I am of a certain age and the outside air of a certain temperature such that I no longer have the patience or stamina to spend 2 hours trimming bushes with a pair of hand shears. So I recently purchased an electric trimmer.
Today was my first attempt at using them.
I started with the holly bushes. Holly, for most people, is that wonderful Christmas-y bush that becomes decorated with red berries just before Christmas.
For those of us that actually have holly bushes on our property, however, they are a menace.
For one thing, down here in Texas they are basically a weed. I have seen them growing in pavement cracks and from a chink in the mortar between bricks. I have even seen one growing from an indentation in the trunk of another living tree! And holly can grow to tree-like proportions if not trimmed properly.
For another (and much more important) thing, their leaves are hard, like plastic, and have thorns around the periphery of them. They are Nature’s Ninja stars. They can easily pierce through a pair of leather work gloves (and I know whereof I speak).
So, trying to shape and contain a holly bush is like trying to groom a rabid puma. All I can say is, if you’re going to try and shape a holly bush, you’d better have some good health insurance, brother!
So, after spending about 45 minutes with my new electric trimmers trying to shape these prickly, tough, recalcitrant bushes, I could not get them to look the way I liked.
So you know what other tool I have in my garage?
A chain saw.
Long story short, my property is now a holly-free zone.
And my arms look like I was trying to rub a puma’s fur backwards.
It is too freaking hot to even think about sports.
Sports will resume in fall when we can watch them without suffering heat stroke.
The Wrap Up
Well, that’s about all the news for tonight, folks. As you can see, it was a quiet, unexciting weekend.
But then again, most of them are.
Have a great week!