We have somehow made it to Friday through no real effort on our part.
I’m not saying it was not a difficult week for anyone. I’m sure it was.
But, let’s face it, we’d be here at Friday no matter what we did.
It’s like when we say something like, “I just flew to Los Angeles.”
That makes it sound like we, personally, were actively keeping the plane aloft through our vigorous efforts. Not to brag, but I personally have kept many a plane aloft by gripping the armrests firmly and praying fervently.
But did American Airlines thank me?
No they did not.
All I got was a little bag of peanuts that had a warning on the back of the package that said, “Caution: contains peanuts.”
I’m glad they pointed that out to me. I was somewhat confused by the large yellow lettering on the front of the packet that said “PEANUTS!” along with a jaunty anthropomorphized peanut wearing spats and a top hat.
So their warning was timely. Otherwise, I would have been disappointed that the package did not contain wasabi peas or, better yet, wasabi Dramamine tablets.
The peanut packet also had instructions on the back, obviously for the benefit of the hard-of-thinking, that said simply:
1. Open package
2. Eat peanuts
Again, I was quite grateful to American Airlines for helping out the poor, harried passenger who might be stymied by the cellophane package with “tear here” written near the notch that is cut into the top of the packet.
Otherwise, I might have used my tiny pair of nail clipping scissors to gain entry to the otherwise impenetrable packet. Unfortunately, they were confiscated by Security, along with my 0.4 fluid ounce container of contact lens re-wetting solution.
Which reminds me: is there anything more expensive on this earth, pound for pound, than lens re-wetting solution? People freak completely out if gasoline hits two dollars and fifty cents a gallon. You’d think they were confiscating first born children at the pump.
And yet, those same people don’t even blink (so to speak) at paying over four thousand dollars a gallon for lens re-wetting solution.
Where is the outrage?
Why are event organizers not handing out pitchforks and torches to an enraged citizenry with blood in their eyes?
(Well, there’s not actual blood in their eyes. They’re just bloodshot from being so dry.)
I say we rise up against this tyranny!
Wait! No one move! I lost a lens …
[Thus endeth the uprising … ]
Where the hell was I going with all this?
Here we are at Friday.
I’d like to say I was instrumental in getting us here, but really all I did was sit back, recline my seat-back about 4 inches, and read the in-flight magazine. I was also a little perturbed that someone had already done the crossword puzzle.
So as you can see, it was a very difficult week.
It almost brings tears to my eyes.