This New Year Already Feels Old

Well, here we are, four days into the New Year and I have yet to write a “State of the Year” (SotY) report.

So buckle up and prepare to be dazzled.

[clears throat]

Ehh.  It’s all right.  [shrugs]

Allow me to explain.

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Why Is Work Easier When No One Is There?

Things at work have been quiet.  Thankfully, a lot of people are still out while they burn off the remainder of their 2018 vacation days.  That has made being at work a lot more pleasant.  Most of the people who create needless work and stress for others aren’t there.

Would that every week was like this one!

If they were, that means I’d only work three days a week, I wouldn’t have to put up with as many annoying people, and I could actually get a lot of work done.

But that’s not how life works.  If you’re not waking up in the middle of the night screaming, you’re not doing it right.

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The Shy, Retiring Types

There was one weird thing about coming back to work earlier this week, though.

And that is that there were a flurry of retirements just before (or during) the holiday break.

So it was strange coming back to work and finding out that a lot of people who have been with the company since shortly after disembarking from the Ark, were no longer there.

There have been a lot of conversations this week that go something like this.

Me:  Hey, have you seen Bill?  I need that TPS report.

John:  Didn’t you hear?  Bill retired over the holiday.

Me:  Dang it!  He owed me twenty bucks.  AND I still need the TPS report.  Maybe I can get it from Jane.

John:  Didn’t you hear?  Jane retired over the holiday.

Me:  Dang it!  I loaned her my last Zagnut bar.  She was going to pay me back with a Butterfinger.  Hey … can you help me with the TPS report?

John:  Didn’t you hear?  I retired over the holiday.  This is a holographic projection.

Me:  Dang it!  I loaned you fifty bucks when we all went out to to eat before the holiday.

John’s Projection:  Ha ha ha ha!

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That Does Not Commute

Another good thing about this week is that the traffic has been wonderfully light on the way to and from work.  Many of the schools are not back in session yet and, as I said earlier, a lot of people are still not back at work.

So I have been practically zooming to work.

I have laughed maniacally while zooming through school zones at a breakneck 35 MPH, rather than the 20 MPH dictated when school is in session.

I yell out the window, “You’ll never catch me, Coppers!”

And the coppers get on their bullhorns and say, “Can you speed up, Sir?  The speed limit here is actually 40 MPH, not 35.”

Still … I got to feel like a free-spirited miscreant for about 200 yards.  That is how Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid no doubt felt throughout most of their career.

 

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Nights of Debauchery

Another good thing about stress-free work days is that I can come home and engage in all sorts of activities since I am not exhausted from dealing with difficult co-workers.

For instance, last night I went home, put on my pajamas, and sat in my chair while drinking coffee and eating a light snack.

(Curse you, World Market, for getting me addicted to McVitie’s Fruit Shortcake cookies!  At $3.99 for 7 ounces of cookies, that makes them officially more expensive than the crack cocaine.  At least, I think it does.  I’m not really sure how much that stuff costs.   But now that you’ve got me addicted to McVitie’s, you know I’ll keep coming back for more.  You, sirs, are animals!)

Sorry you had to see that.

Anyway, things have been very relaxing at home.  I have found it very easy to ignore all of the things I need to get done.  Like getting the Christmas tree disassembled, stuffed into its body bags, and lugged up into the attic.  Besides, it lights up the front room nicely, making it possible for me to ignore having to change the burned out lightbulb way up in the ceiling.

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In Conclusion

So, my take on the new year is this:

So far so good. 

6/10 would recommend.

I guess I won’t take it back for a full refund just yet.