Biff Rambles On About … A Mysterious Week, the True Cost of Rain, Whatever Works, and Gratuitous Glassware

Biff Hiking #4

Hello Everyone!

I haven’t checked in with you much this past week.  And by that, I mean I haven’t written any actual blog posts.  That’s because I was being lazy and just posting the various parts and pieces of my latest Alistair and Alexis story, which I had written in fits and starts over the previous two months.

I suppose I was just using that as a crutch over the past week and so not really writing about what is going on here in Biffville (population: lethargic).

So let’s see if I can come up with enough material to fill up a blog post.


Into Each Rain a Little Life Must Fall

The rains have finally come to Dallas.  I’ve received upwards of 4 or 5 inches in the past week, all thanks to the contributions of Hurricane Gordon.  I wish that it were not necessary for large swaths of the American coastline to be erased from Google Earth  in order for us to get an adequate amount of rain here in North Texas, but that seems to be how it works.  My apologies to anyone who was affected by H. Gordon, but I do thank you most kindly for the rain.  And my lawn thanks you, too.

This past weekend came and went with hardly a whimper, let alone a bang.  The rain kept me indoors much of the weekend (pardon my humble bragging), so working in the yard was out of the question.  I have an electric mower, and the little safety sticker on the side of the mower written in #2 font said, “Do not mow grass in the rain”.

Who am I to flout the authority of a safety sticker?  It’s not like I didn’t learn my lesson that time I was blow-drying my hair in the shower while asleep.

So I kept my sorry, lazy derriere in the house most of the weekend, reading, writing, watching TV, napping, and chasing (at a very low rate of speed) other trivial pursuits.   I did do some vacuuming, dusting, laundry, and other assorted light cleaning, but I can’t say that my heart was fully in it.  But then again, it never is.

I’m going to blame it on the rain anyway since it’s not here to defend itself.


What Works For Me

Work has been … well … work.   It is seldom anything else.  Honestly, I think the only reason I keep showing up there every day is that they pay me to do so.  In fact, I’m quite sure of it.

Don’t get me wrong:  I’m very, very grateful for my job.  But if I thought I could live on a small plot of land in the wilderness without starving to death or being eaten by rabid groundhogs, I’d jump at the chance.  Sadly, my survival skills consist solely of being able to drive to Target and wander around aimlessly.  And even then I’m liable to be found unconscious in the toaster aisle, having been unable to find where they keep the Fig Newtons.

So, it is the life of a working stiff for me!  It is my fate.  It is my destiny.  It is the role I was born to play.


An Obtuse Metaphor That Even I Don’t Understand

Speaking of shameless self-promotion and non-sequitur segues, I would like to thank everyone who left such kind praises of my Alistair and Alexis story, “The Mystery of the Spodumine Penguin“.   The reviews were all very positive and encouraging and had me blushing deeply at all of the very kind words.

Ironically, even with such wonderful reviews, readership was amazingly lite.  In fact, after a week of posting nothing but the pieces of the Penguin mystery, traffic to my blog had practically disappeared.  If this blog were a business, it would now have an “Out of Business” sign on it.

I think the take-away from that experience is this:  Be sure to sprinkle a few regular, non-fiction blog posts in between fictional posts.

Or, here’s another analogy that is apropos of nothing.  Supposing this blog is a filling station and you come here every 4 or 5 days to fill up on petrol.  And then, every 3rd or 4th visit you get a free piece of glassware, like a nice tumbler or something.  That’s all fine and good.   You’ll take the tumbler even though it doesn’t match any of the other glassware you have at your house.  You reason that you can use it as a spittoon or somewhere to keep all those paper clips and bobby pins that you’re always finding on the floor.

But what if I no long have petrol at my filling station, but only cheap, mismatched glassware.  Would you keep stopping by?

I very seriously doubt it.

So what I’m trying to say is this.  Keep stopping by for the gas, enjoy a free tumbler once in awhile, and please don’t light up while you’re standing next to the pumps.

And I promise to keep the cheap glassware to a minimum.


The Flipping Dismount

So there you have it.  My week in review.  I think you can now understand why I really didn’t write anything this past week.

Don’t forget to pick up your free tumbler on the way out.

 

 

14 comments

  1. I know what you mean about apparently waning readership. I look at the numbers for my top posts, and these days I’m doing well to get half those numbers. Where did everyone go? Has WordPress finally figured out how to filter out SPAMers?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Are you trying to equate Alistair and Alexis to free glassware? How dare you!? They are made of the finest crystal, I’ll have you know…and filled to the brim with the very best Scotch money can buy!!! Mismatched glassware, indeed!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha ha! That wasn’t my intent, but I guess I inadvertently did. That certainly highlights the difference between Alistair and myself. He sips Scotch from crystal snifters, while I drink Kool-Aid from gas station freebie glassware. My dreams of becoming more Alistair-like are becoming dimmer by the moment. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. (to be said in you most affected Bertie as played by Hugh Laurie accent) A lovely post. Droll as always. Bloody awful with that blasted weather. I do hope you have a manservant about to keep the old nut dry.
    I say, dear fellow, I do believe I sent you a friendly missive via your Contact Biff that quite possibly went to your Spam folder? A rum thing, to be sure. Do let me know, Biff, my good man, or I shall have Cadbury pen another.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hiya, Wilt! Man, I love Bertie and Jeeves as played by Laurie and Fry. That is the definitive version of B&J as far as I am concerned. I want to live in that world so much! But, alas, there’s no way to do that now, except in my imagination.

      You are right about your missive ending up in ye olde spamme folder. I will respond to it tomorrow (when hopefully I am more coherent than I am now).

      Give my regards to Cadbury.

      Like

  4. That was fun thinking about free glasses at the ‘filling station’! Haven’t heard them called that in quite awhile. I got a bunch of those free glasses back in the day, saving up for when I got married. I think those stations were full service, too! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so glad you understood that! I was a little worried when I wrote it that no one would remember gas stations that gave out free glassware after so many gas purchases. Of course, very few people remember full-service gas stations any more either.

      When I was growing up we had all sorts of mis-matched glasses from different gas stations. And also a few jelly jars. Remember when jelly came in re-usable glasses, usually with stuff painted on the sides of them (comic book characters, etc.). Those were fun days!

      Like

  5. There are days when people read more blogs, there are holidays, where everyone seems to disappear into an ether elsewhere, there are days where the rss feeds must be on the blink, and then there’s the weather …

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, CageDunn. You’re right. Readership ebbs and flows, often for seemingly inexplicable reasons. Things lately definitely seem to be on the wane. Maybe it’s just a normal end-of-summer/start-of-autumn slump.

      Liked by 1 person

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