Biff Rambles On About … A Rain of Tarrier, Things Getting Ark-ward, and Feint Praise

Biff Hiking #4

Friday took its sweet time getting here this week, and though I got a little peeved at it, it is hard for me to stay angry at Friday for very long.  So, all is forgiven, Friday.  Please come back home.

It’s been a strange week.

For one thing, we got over two inches of rain earlier this week.  That is such a rarity in Texas in mid-August that no less than ten percent of the population ran out to Home Depot to buy the materials to build an ark.  Unfortunately, the only creatures they had to stock it with were armadillos, squirrels, raccoons, June bugs, cicadas, grackles, and skunks.

I’m pretty sure they will be denied entry in most ports around the world.

On the plus side, however, all of the foliage in these parts suddenly sprang back to life.  Texas now no longer looks like a sepia photograph of an alien landscape.  It looks like the same alien landscape PhotoShopped by someone with no clue how to operate PhotoShop.

Such weird shades of green!  It’s like the entire landscape ate a bad burrito.

And as if that were not enough, the whole shebang will have to be mowed this weekend in order to avoid being littered with unsightly citations from the city.  They cannot be bothered to fix a pothole the size of a Suzuki Samurai, but let your grass get an eighth of an inch too long and they will come down on you like an anvil on Wile E. Coyote.

It is pointless to try and explain to them that the rain made each blade of grass shoot up overnight, just like the beanstalk that was the star of the off-off-Broadway production “Jack and the Beanstalk” (starring  Tony Randall as the 3rd bean).

So Saturday morning will have me outside pushing a mower through thick, lush (and still wet) grass.  To make the experience even more pleasurable, I will also be pushing myself through thick, lush humidity, along with soft, fluffy clouds of mosquitoes.  I will be making millions of tiny little blood donations.

I wonder if I will also get millions of tiny little cookies and cups of punch.

In other news, I received a compliment at work earlier this week.  In don’t receive a lot of compliments in my line of work.  The last one I got was in October 1987 when a product I designed inadvertently and unexpectedly worked during a customer demo.

Anyway, earlier this week I was given glowing praise regarding something I did.  Sadly, the task I was praised for is one that I find soul-grindingly tedious, mind-numbingly boring, and that I take no pleasure whatsoever in doing.  It was like receiving an Oscar for accidentally recording 90 minutes of dead air.

Hey, I’ll take the Oscar, but I’m guessing the sequel will be disappointing.

Coming soon!

Dead Air 2!

“This time it’s even more boring!”

 

Come to think of it, that might be a good tagline for my next blog post.

Hmmm … something to think about.

 

 

 

 

 

 

12 comments

    • I used to be a Cowboy fan, but I got tired of the off-the-field shenanigans and Jerry Jones’ predilection for hiring criminals and miscreants. And then, as if that were not enough, the product they keep trotting out every week for the past 25 years is the very definition of mediocrity. 8-n-8 is the rule and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

      It definitely makes a fan pine for the Tom Landry days!

      Like

  1. Congrats for the Oscar, hehe… Can’t wait to read dead Air 2. You never know it might be a huge success. Think about The Godfather II, seen as one of the greatest sequel in cinematic history.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow … it is quite an honor to be mentioned in the same breath as Godfather II! Now I feel a lot of pressure to actually make Dead Air II something worth reading. Of course … seeings how I haven’t even written Dead Air I yes, my expectations of success are very low.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your rain and our sun. I think you threw a beautiful spiral of your summer all the way to Western Oregon. Sadly, our receiver dropped the ball. Of course this is Duck football we’re talking about and your QB doesn’t have a lot of aim.

    On the bright side a little water is a whole lot better than no water at all. Enjoy while it lasts.

    Happy Friday!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Dallas Cowboys are the #1 reason I’m a Packers fan. Ha ha!

      And I’ve lived places that got too much rain, and places that didn’t get enough, and I MUCH prefer getting too much. So I’m enjoying the HECK out of this rain (even though I think it’s over now. 😦 )

      Liked by 2 people

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