Blinded by the Light (Cleaning)


Just as I promised in my last blog post, today is Saturday.

Never let it be said that I am one to renege on a promise.

So far, it is quiet here around chez Biff, other than the deafening whine of the vacuum cleaner earlier (piloted by yours truly).  The carpets now have the misleading appearance of being clean.  (We all know that carpets are never really, truly clean, especially if one has pets.)

The clothes are in the wash.

The bird feeder has been refilled, much to the delight of the belligerent blue-jays and freeloading squirrels.

The birdbath has been emptied of tepid water and mosquito larvae and filled with the finest direct-from-the-hose water that North Texas has to offer.

The plants outside in the flower beds have been watered.  These are the same plants that just a few weeks ago looked lush and tropical and irresistible at the nursery where they were purchased.  Now they look war-hardened and battle-scarred, their colors washed out and faded, and barely clinging to life.  If plants could have a thousand-yard stare, these plants would.  (I think black-eyes Susan’s could manage such a stare, but it’s hard to tell with such dark eyes.)  Anyway, perhaps a hearty swig of the same hose-water that the birds bathe in will give them a powerful dose for what ails them.

Next comes the dusting, for North Texas air is always dusty, no matter how many expensive air cleaners one has in one’s house.  These oscillating, multi-filtered, multi-speed contraptions purportedly clean the air, but in reality are just a clever plan to sell expensive HEPA filters to gullible rubes such as myself.

After that, I may do something wild and crazy, such as replace a  set of Venetian blinds in the master bath, which no one has been able to raise or lower for the past ten years.  The strange thing about situations like that, is after the first year, it doesn’t even strike anyone odd that they are the way they are.  It just seems normal after awhile.  It’s as if we subconsciously think, “Why would anyone need blinds that go up and down?

Of course, the real mystery here is why someone thought a giant picture window would be a good idea in a bathroom.

So, yeah, I may do that later today.

Or, more than likely, I will talk myself out of it and take a nap instead.  Why would anyone need blinds that go up and down?


    • Sorry about the grievous bodily humor and assault with a deadly bon mot. I’m all lawyered up and read to go. I plan to file a writ of contradictio in adjecto, as well as order a corpus delicti with a side order of tater tots.


  1. I love this because it is so much like my days, with two additions. Cleaning the horse’s run-in and what i call “doggie detail”. With 8 dogs, it is necessary to scoop the poop from the yard, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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