Biff Rambles On About … Slow Tuesdays, Fast Winds, and Medium Vacuums

Biff Hiking #3


The week seems to be dragging by at an unusually slow rate.  I know a lot of that is because it is Tuesday, and it has been scientifically proven that Tuesdays run slower than any of the other day of the week.  It has something to do with how the Tuesday gear is coupled to the week’s temporal flywheel, gear ratios, sprocket factors, etc.

But I am not too proud to admit that I am largely ignorant as to the inner-workings of temporal machinations due to having lost the owner’s manual shortly after buying my first used week from a shady Used Week Lot on the edge of town.  So now I just sort of muddle along and hope that everything works out okay and that I can avoid costly week repairs.

It was a beautiful day here in North Texas.  The sun was bright, but not glaring.  Everything organic is green and lush and juicy.  The temperature was a perfect 74 or so (23 C).  The only thing that was somewhat awry was the wind.  There were sustained wind speeds of about 15 MPH, with gusts near 40 MPH.  In fact, the wind blew the top of a restaurant off in one of our northern suburbs.  No one even raised an eyebrow, though, for this is north Texas.  We have a name for days with such high winds.  We call them “Tuesdays”.     (Which is an old Native American word for, “Is it Wednesday yet?”)

Let’s see.  What else is happening today?

Back in the old days, I could have rummaged through the newspaper looking for something to write about.  But there are no newspapers anymore.  Certainly none worth reading.  And definitely no local newspapers.

I find it interesting, in this amazing Internet age we live in, that I now know much less about what is going on than I did when I was a kid and our only source of information was the local newspaper.

You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not.

Back in those days, if there was a minor fender-bender on 7th street at 3 o’clock in the morning, it was in the newspaper the next day.   If someone broke into a house on 23rd avenue and stole a toaster, it was in the police blotter section of the paper the next day.   If someone’s house (heaven forbid!) burned down, there were pictures on the front page of the newspaper, interviews with all the neighbors and survivors, and a statement from the Fire Chief as to the cause of the blaze.

But nowadays I can hear a major shootout happening a block away, but when I go to all of the local “news” sites …. nothing.  I can Google until my fingers are blue in the face …. nary a mention of it.   Or I can be driving to work and see that a tanker truck full of ricotta cheese has driven through the front of a jazzercise studio …. and there is no mention of it anywhere.  A giant hot air balloon shaped like a pig can break its moorings, float away, and crash into a barbeque festival  ….. and …. you guessed it …. nary a mention of it on the Internet.

But if a Kardashian sneezes 2000 miles away, there are the equivalent of 250 newspapers instantly filled to bursting with second-by-second details of the incident.

What an amazing age we live in!  The Internet has made it possible for us to all be woefully ignorant about the goings on in our own neighborhoods, while being beaten to death with excruciatingly detailed reports about things that don’t matter at all.

All with pop-up ads, of course.




  1. Ah, for the good old days when “local stringer” implied local news, rather than something to dangle fish off of. Maybe there’s no fishing either – no newspaper to wrap them in.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh. Your complaints are the same as mine as far as finding out news online. I have NO interest in celebrities doing nothing, next to nothing, or something that’s normal life.

    As for the weather, it snowed today and now we have an inch of snow where yesterday was (finally) bare, brown grass with a few crocuses trying to push through. It’s just an inch, but sheesh, it’s April 4. Wrap it up, Lake Erie.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I never feel enlightened after I’ve read the news. I just feel like I need to go take a shower. I no longer read, watch, or listen to the news. It was destroying my quality of life. I’m much happier now that I have no clue about what’s going on out there.

      Sorry about the snow! I’ll take it if you can figure out a way to get it to Texas. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Our wind here was gusts of 50 mph +, and the sand turned the sky brown. Shingles were flying through the air from the house next door, and the birds were having trouble flying around. Typical spring here. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m having a painfully slow week here, too. I had no idea it was because of the gears and flywheels. I thought I just hadn’t fed the hamsters enough to keep the weekly wheel turning. Learn something new every day.

    Liked by 1 person

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