Blather.  Wince.  Repeat.

0 - Man Asleep on Desk

What does one write about when they have exhausted all the usual topics?  Here are my typical categories of blog posts:

  • I can’t wait until Friday gets here!
  • Yay!  Friday is here!
  • Hey, it’s the weekend!
  • Wait … it’s Sunday already?
  • Dangit!  How did Monday get here so fast?

I would say about 80% of my blog posts fall into one of the categories above.  I can’t expect people to keep reading my blog when it is as repetitive as … um … a repetitive thing … that keeps repeating itself.  Repetitively.  But I repeat myself.  Again.

I need to find new topics.

The problem with that is that the only way a person can find new topics is by doing one of the following:

  1. Making up stuff
  2. Retooling one’s life and doing new things.

Well, #2 is definitely out.  I’m way too old for that.   I get upset when the store runs out of 1% milk and I have to buy skim milk.

And #1 is out, because I am not good at making stuff up.  If you don’t believe me, I will show you the blog stats for the attempts I’ve made at writing fiction on here.  “Precipitously” doesn’t even begin to describe the steep drop-off in readership I have every time I post a piece of fiction.

So what is a poor blogger to do?  When one is cursed (or blessed, depending on your outlook) with a mind-numbingly boring life and an imagination that’s about as fascinating as lumpy oatmeal (now with bran clusters!), where does one turn to jazz up one’s blog?  How does one inject a shot of excitement and fascination into topics that are less interesting than actuarial tables, surveys of dirt samples, or grommet catalogs?

I envy people that do fascinating things or who are fascinated by things:  people that ski or raise chinchillas or cliff dive or brew their own beer or play the zither or who bird watch or knit or … or anything.

But my brain hates me.

I try new things and almost instantly my brain gets bored and wanders away and I’m like, “Hey, come back here!  I paid a lot of money for this backyard trebuchet kit!”  But it’s too late.  My brain is gone.  Halfway through reading the instructions it grasped the concept and was instantly completely disinterested in going any further.  I find my brain sitting on its old comfortable chair upstairs, staring blankly at an empty computer screen, trying to think of something to write about.

I sarcastically ask it what fascinating topic it is going to write about this time.

And it replies morosely, “Oh.  You know.  About how there’s nothing to write about.  Or about how it’s Friday again.

Fascinating.

 

18 comments

  1. “I am not good at making stuff up.” Seriously?

    There may be something to the “make ’em shorter” idea. Seems like there’s a whole generation for whom tl;dr is their watchword. Just don’t let it slip you’re sneakily getting them to read a “book”, in serial form.

    BTW, I’m not sure I’ve ever used the word “whom” in a comment before. I’m not sure if I used it correctly, but somehow it rings a bell.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, Dave! And I agree. In the golden age of the short story (appx. 1930s through the 1970s), the stories definitely tended to be longer. I was developing my adult reading tastes at the end of that era (1970s) and so I read a lot of short stories by Hemingway, Twain, Salinger, Faulkner, O’Henry, etc. They definitely tended to be much longer back then … virtually novellas in some cases!

      But, as I was just saying to Cyranny and Linda, I shall try to write a few short stories that are, indeed, short.

      And, good use of the word “whom”! Two thumbs up! I will use it occasionally in a sentence when actually talking to people and then immediately begin to doubt myself and wonder if I used it correctly.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, come back here! I paid a lot of money for this backyard trebuchet kit!” so very wierd….I built a trebuchet for a ren faire about ten years ago..my husband and I tested it out by chunkin pumpkins over the fence in the backyard. Our property backed up to a huge field where every now and then we’d see cattle..usually longhorns. We giggled and laughed when we heard the pumpkins splat against something until we also heard a “splat” MOOOOOOOOOO!” we had a direct hit on a huge longhorn bull that decided to start headbutting the backyard privacy fence…..lovely day.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Biff! Biiiiiiiiiiiff! I am so glad Mainepaperpusher said it before me. Then I won’t sound like the annoying little sis I am.

    More fiction please!! Pretty pretty please, with a cherry on top!

    If I may make constructive criticism, I’d say that one thing that might have kept you away from a few extra “views” “likes” and comments in the past, is the length of your fiction posts. (I know, I know, it’s never long enough when it is good…) Truth is, people, in general prefer posts that don’t take too long to get through. I Looooooved your Christmas special series, but I’ll admit that I didn’t read them right after you posted them, because I wanted to be quiet at home, and ready not to be disturbed. I’d bet that if you had broken every episode into 2 posts, you would have multiplied the total of views.

    You write amazing fiction. Don’t quit. And don’t say I’m saying this just because you’re the big bro I’m looking up to 😉 LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Cyranny! I appreciate very much you and Linda ganging up on me to motivate me to write more fiction. 😉 As I was just explaining to her, I don’t write much fiction and it tends to be almost sort of freestyle. The next time I am struck by the urge to write fiction again, I’ll try to rein it in a bit and post something a little more succinct. I honestly do appreciate your constructive criticism.

      And thanks for looking up to me, Sis. I’ll try to live up to the honor. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • 🙂

        I just wanted to add… Instead of writing shorter fiction stories, you can just divide a story in several posts… Absurd, I know… why wouldn’t people read 1 long post instead of 2 or three shorter ones, right? But I am pretty sure you would see a difference in the way people react. Again, just sayin’… 🙂

        Have a great Sunday!! I hope yesterday’s mowing didn’t leave you too worn out to enjoy the rest of the weekend!! xx

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks, Cyranny! I will give that a try. I hadn’t ever considered doing it that way before.

          I hope you’re having a great weekend too! Are y’all thawing out any up there yet?

          Like

  4. I dare you to write some more fiction. I DARE YOU! Make the posts short and have many of them. If your stats continue to dip then I’ll be quiet, but you are a great fiction writer and I hate to think that I’ll never read any more of your stuff because of stats! There, I feel better now. But not as nice as I’ll feel when I get to read some more of your fiction, so hop to it! Damn, I’m demanding on an early Saturday morning! 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks, Linda! I will accept your dare. I do appreciate your encouragement, enthusiasm, and constructive criticism. 🙂

      The urge to write fiction doesn’t hit me very often and when it does it just tends to flow on its own until I either get bored with it and abandon it, or it comes to some sort of natural conclusion, at which point I polish it up a bit and post it.

      But the very next time the urge hits, I will remember your advice as I write it. 🙂 Thanks again!

      Liked by 1 person

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