Poor Biff’s Almanac — My Life Among the Amish

Amish Man With Suitcase


Some of you may have noticed that I have not posted in a while.

Some others of you may be reading this and saying, “Eh?  What? Who is this Boff character?  What’s he on about?  How do I get him off my feed?”  You might even be shaking your walking stick or ear trumpet in the air angrily.  And, really, who am I to interrupt your yoga exercises?   Downward dog on, my friend.

But, yes, it has been nine days since my last post.  There are many reasons for that.  Some of them are even good reasons.  I wish I could remember what they are.  But, as always, the foremost reason is that I live such an incredibly boring life, that it is an intense uphill struggle to find something to write about.  I suppose I could write about my intense struggle up the hill, but it is not as interesting as it sounds.  It is like trying to describe fog to a blind person.  Who is also deaf.  And a cadaver.  Yes, I could describe the fog, but what is the point, really?  It only makes the cadaver wish I would go bother someone else.

But in addition to that, this time I had an actual reason for not posting.  That is, I spent a few days up in Pennsylvania visiting my daughter.  I had a wonderful time, even though the weather was quite chilly.  I didn’t mind.  I thought the weather was very seasonable.  It hovered around 35 F (2 C) the entire time and there was almost always a good stiff wind of about 20 MPH, making it feel much colder.  It made walking around Intercourse or Bird In Hand a beautiful experience.

It is how I imagine the very first settlers felt during their first spring in Amish Country, PA.  I can just picture Jebediah pulling his North Face jacket a little tighter around him as he stood outside the glass blowers shop, contemplating the ten thousand dollar vase.  “That would make a fine milking urn,” he might have said, admiring its variegation.  “But ol’ Bessie’s liable to kick it over and then I really would be crying over spilled milk.

I admire the Amish a great deal.  Not the ones that sell souvenirs at the tourist shops or who appear on appalling “reality” TV shows.  I mean the real Amish.  The ones who eschew electricity and modern ways.  The ones who work the farm with horses or mules.  The ones who hang their laundry on the line to dry.  I think they must live lives of quiet satisfaction and peace.

Of course, if I were to become Amish, I would not survive the first winter.  They would find my frozen body, still sitting on the milking stool in the barn, where’d I’d tried to figure out how to milk a cow without the benefit of a YouTube video.

Anyway, I’d like to write more, and I probably will in the coming days, but it is nearly time for Johnny Carson to come on the telly and I need to reheat my coffee in the microwave.  Who says I can’t rough it?


  1. Hey! I’m in Pennsylvania! Of course, I’m in the complete opposite end of the state, right up there in the very tip top of the “chimney,” about as close to the New York border as one can get. But I used to live down near Amish country (Downingtown area) and have visited Reading, Red Lion, York, and all the good places. It really is beautiful in all seasons because of the sheer amount of open space.

    I’m glad you had a good time, and though I missed reading your thoughts, I have a hard time keeping up when you’re really on your game and posting daily, so never feel bad about missing a day here and there because that helps me to not feel as guilty if I don’t get to comment all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Lynda! I had no idea you were from PA! That’s so cool. I really love it up there. I lived just north of Philly for about a year-and-a-half about 20 years ago. I loved it up there, but at the time it was too expensive to live up there on my salary, so I came back to Texas. Sometimes I wish I’d stayed up there, but we have to do what we have to do sometimes.

      And thank you for what you said about my posting. I never realized that I have ever been “on my game” before. 🙂 I always feel like I’m just barely flying by the seat of my pants.

      I really enjoy your comments and appreciate them all!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This was a good blog. I really enjoyed it. Short and to the point. My wife and I spent March 4-11 in the Smokies. First 3 nights at my brother’s cabin, wood burning stove on first floor, we slept on the second. No wifi, every one brought their books and reading glasses except me. Snowed a little, so my car stayed put on the muddy grass 1/3 mile long driveway. My wife asked, what is the point? The next 5 days were spent in a hotel and we still got in the same amount of walking. Welcome back.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Pat! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I do try to keep my posts relatively short, but sometimes I just start rambling and forget to stop. 🙂

      I’m not much for roughing it, but I do like getting away from the rat race and leaving behind all of its sources of frustration (phones, TV, internet, etc.). When I go on vacation, I’m liable to just take a book and some quiet music (the kind without lyrics). I really like to unplug as much as possible!

      I’ve always heard that the Smokies are absolutely gorgeous. I’d love to get to see them someday.


    • Thank you, Candice! It was just a combination of the craziness of life and being out of town for a bit. I had meant to post something before I left, but time just got away from me.


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