Biff Rambles On About … Friday, Gluttony, and Time Dilation

Well, here it is Friday morning again.  We seem to have been caught up in the rapids of another week, swept downstream, and deposited sprawling on Friday’s doorstep, dripping wet, cold, shivering, and wondering how we got here.  And yet, here we are.  So grab a towel off of the stack, dry yourself off, grab a steaming mug of your favorite beverage, and let’s get started.

First off, I’d like to thank everyone who waded through my re-runs and my blatherings about coffee creamer this week and still managed to resist the urge to un-follow me.  I know the urge to click that un-follow button was strong and I admire your fortitude and your willingness to give me another chance.  The quality of mercy is not strained … blah blah blah … gentle rain … etc etc etc … twice blest … yadda yadda yadda.  (Sorry, I can’t do the whole soliloquy.  I have to pick up the pace a bit to minimize the number of un-follows.)

So what has Biff been up to this week that made me so busy that I could not write a proper blog post?  It was some of the usual things (work, sleep, lack of privacy, lack of doing anything worth writing about) as well as a few atypical things (daughter in town for spring break, kicking the coffee creamer habit, etc.).

Also, I have eaten way more this week than a human being should eat and that has made me sluggish and unmotivated and lethargic.

I’m not sure why it is that, when people visit other people, the number one activity seems to be eating.   And not just merely eating.  I mean going to a restaurant and eating several times your own body weight in foods you would not normally eat.  We eat like lions who have just killed a wildebeest.  We eat every ounce of it, as well as some of the surrounding vegetation (and a warthog that was passing by) because we don’t know when we will ever eat again.

Except that we do know.  We will be eating again in about 4 hours.  Someone will say something like, “You know, I can’t believe I’m hungry again, but I think I actually am.”

Next thing you know, you’re sitting at yet another restaurant, reading yet another obtuse menu and thinking to yourself, “I wonder if they will throw me out if I just ask for a single crouton and a glass of Alka-Seltzer™.”  But then someone at the table orders the “Tour of Pangaea” platter and as soon as it is delivered to the table via forklift, the person who ordered it says, “Oh my!  There’s no way I can eat this by myself.  Everyone please help me eat this.”

I protest, “But it’s all I can do to to eat this crouton and sprig of parsley.”

My protests are ignored.  “Nonsense,” they say.  “Have one of these ostrich breasts stuffed with goat cheese, butter, and lard.  And a couple of these eggplants stuffed with cream cheese and bacon and haggis.  And don’t forget that for dessert we’re having an entire sheet cake stuffed with nougat, divinity, and fudge.”

And so we eat, because, if we’ve been taught one thing in life, it’s that the one sin that is worse that gluttony is wasting food.  There is an entire circle of hell, just past the small kitchen electrics and housewares, dedicated to food wasters.

Oh well.  Such is life.  Eating has become a national pastime.   We simply don’t know what to do with ourselves otherwise.

But it was a great week.  Getting to see my daughter is always a pleasure.  Life has not been the same since she moved away to start her career in another state, but this week we got to spend time together in the evenings when I got home from work and it was kind of like old times. We also spent an entire day in downtown Dallas, having a great time, and acting like complete tourists.  But I will write about that in another post when I have more time.

Hopefully this rambling post helps explain why the week went by so fast.  It’s because, as we all know, the more fun we have, the more aerodynamic time becomes.