In my continuing attempts to create Biff 2.0, I am tackling my final food addiction. Well, not my final food addiction. My final addiction would be chocolate and I would be delusional if I said I was ever going to give up chocolate. It would be as crazy as my announcing that I am giving up oxygen.
No. Chocolate shall remain my one, final vice. Besides, every man needs a vice to make him interesting. I wish it could be martinis or Cuban cigars fast cars or something sexy like that, but it is merely chocolate. Not exactly James Bond-like.
I have spoken often on my blog about my addiction to coffee. However, I was merely employing poetic license for comic effect. I’m not actually addicted to coffee.
No, what I’m actually addicted to is International Delight® French Vanilla coffee creamer. Frankly, if I had to drink coffee without it, I’d just as soon not drink coffee. I have tried other ways to make coffee palatable. Sugar (ugh!). Sugar in the Raw (better, but still no dice). Almond creamers. Half-and-Half. I have tried, quite literally, everything. Nothing worked.
But I am going to do it.
Step One: Reduce the amount of International Delight® French Vanilla creamer that I put in my coffee. The main complication with this step is that I’m not really sure how much I put in my coffee. For the past 5 years I would just sort of tip the jug and let a good, healthy amount of creamer glorp and splunge into the cup. Then I’d add a little coffee until it was a pleasant latte color.
But that is not scientific. My experiment in kicking my addiction will require actual measuring.
Yesterday morning I measured how much creamer I put into my coffee, stopping when it was just this side of drinkable. I finally stopped myself at 4 tablespoons for a standard sized coffee cup. It was barely drinkable! I could easily have gone on to 6 or 8 or more tablespoons. But 4 tablespoons is my starting point.
In a week, I shall reduce that to 3 tablespoons. My final goal will be, hopefully, one tablespoon of creamer.
Why am I doing this, you ask? Isn’t it enough that I have already given up my lifelong addiction to Coke® and Peanut M&Ms®? and French fries? What is driving this insanity?
Well, a person gets of a certain age when it is time to give up the things we enjoy. To paraphrase Voltaire: With great age comes great dietary restrictions.
And, as it was once written so eloquently, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”
Most people don’t realize the author was writing about International Delight® French Vanilla coffee creamer, Coke®, and Peanut M&Ms®. And Snickers® bars. And Payday® bars. And French fries. And basically anything that tastes good.
I’ll keep you posted on my progress.
If you are a betting person, I recommend putting all your money on the coffee creamer.