Biff Rambles On About … Tallies, Texas, Taxes, and Tuchuses

Biff Hiking #4


Monday has once again rolled around like clockwork.  Or rather, like calendar-work.  There are three things you can always be sure of:

  1. Death
  2. Taxes
  3. Monday

Compared to the other two, Monday does not seem like such a bad deal, does it?  After all, one can out-wait Monday.  With enough patience, Monday can become Tuesday.  However, no amount of patience will ward off death or taxes.  And besides, I have a very short attention span.  I don’t stand a chance against either death or taxes.  Certainly not with MY accountant!

In other news (and I use the term loosely), we have been given a brief respite from the rain.  After getting 7.5 inches of rain in a 5 day period, yesterday and today were mercifully free of rain.  The ground is already dry and cracked.  If the cold spell we had in December and January had not already killed my lawn, this two-day drought most certainly would have.  But fear not!  The rains are scheduled to return tomorrow, albeit half-heartedly.  It probably won’t even move the needle on ye olde rain gauge.

I am hoping that this two days of warmth and no rain we have just had is not the entirety of our spring.  That is one bad thing about living in north Texas.  You don’t know when spring is going to hit, or how long it will be.  It can occur as early as February and its duration can be anywhere from 1 day to a month.  It is never longer than that, though.  Usually it is a mere week or two and then summer is here.

So, really, at the beginning of this post, I should have written:  There are four things you can always be sure of:

  1. Death
  2. taxes
  3. Monday
  4. Summer

And, like death and taxes, there is no avoiding summer in Texas.  Like death, it is permanent.  Like taxes, it only gets worse, not better.

It just occurred to me that the state of Texas will never be hiring me to be any sort of ambassador for the state, nor will I ever be serving in any capacity on the Texas Board of Tourism (TexBoT).  So, really, there are FIVE things you can always count on:

  1. Death
  2. Taxes
  3. Monday
  4. Summer
  5. Me not serving on TexBoT

Don’t get me wrong:  I love Texas.  There is a lot to love here.  It is a big ol’ friendly, howdy-pardner, pound-you-on-the-back, yall-come-on-in, put-er-there-pal kind of state.  We love everybody and welcome everybody within the fold.  There is a lot of beauty in the state, whether in the Hill Country, along the coast, in the piney woods of East Texas, or in the deserts of West Texas.

But make no mistake about it:  It gets hot here.  And it stays hot.  While a typical winter day here might be anywhere from -10 F to 80 F (-23 to +27 C), a typical summer day will always be in a narrow band between 95 and 120F (35 to 49 C).   And when it dips down to 95 F, the meteorologists laughingly call it a “cold front”.

But one thing’s for sure.  You can burn your tuchus slap off.

Monday doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?




  1. I looked and looked at “tuchus,” thinking, “What?” Finally, I said it out loud, and got it.

    Of course, then I had to spend too much time trying to figure out where I’d heard the word before. It took until this morning. It was Opus the Penguin in the Bloom County comic strip who introduced me to the word. Now, I miss Bloom County. Thank goodness for online comic sites where you can read old strips.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I miss Bloom Country, too. In fact, I miss a lot of the old, classic comics. And I agree … thank goodness most of them are online!

      And tuchus is a very hand word. I use it all the time. 🙂


  2. i spent some time in the hill country in summer. humid. three showers a day. and the ghost of lbj (he passed on three or four years before i got there).

    and didn’t they more or less get rid of our taxes with the stroke of a pen the other day? i heard somebody crowing about it but as i subsist on busking, i didn’t pay much attention.


    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve only been through the hill country once or twice on my way to somewhere else. It is quite scenic by Texas standards. In spring, most of Texas is quite lovely. But it all comes to a screeching halt in June.

      I haven’t heard that they got rid of any taxes. I know we don’t have a state income tax here, which is a big draw for people fleeing high-tax states. Of course, we make up for it in property taxes and other hidden taxes. There’s no escaping the tax man!

      Good luck with the busking!

      Liked by 1 person

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