Biff Rambles On About … Time, Taxis, and Conjugating Nouns

Biff Hiking #3


All I can say is, it’s a good thing every day of the week doesn’t go by as fast as your typical Saturday goes by.  If it did, we’d all be born, grow up, and pass away between Sunday and Tuesday.  So, really, we should be thankful for the thankless weekdays like Monday through Thursday.  They slow our lives down for us and keep the entire shebang from going by in the blink of an eye.

Which brings to mind the tired old expression, “Time flies when you’re having fun.”  That may be true.  But after the age of about 40, time flies no matter what the heck you’re doing:  having fun, not having fun, raking leaves, getting a dental exam, having ice cream, waiting for your car at the oil change place.  It all flies by like leaves in a hurricane and there’s not a darn thing you can do about it.  You can dig your heels in all you want, but there’s nothing really to dig your heels into because everything is moving right along with you at the same crazy speed.  You look like you’re leaning into a high wind except no one around you can see or feel the wind and so they all just think you’re crazy.  That’s why old people always look like they’re stooping.  They’re leaning into that gale-force wind that young people cannot see.

But I didn’t come here tonight to be heavy and morose.  No, I was already that way when I got in the taxi to come here.

I apologize.  No one uses taxis any more.  I meant Uber.  Everyone is always Ubering nowadays.  I often hear people say things like, “After my plane lands, I’ll just Uber to your place.”  It sounds perfectly normal to say that now.  But, 40 years ago you would have been locked up in a Home For the Criminally Ungrammatical if you’d said, “When my plane lands I’ll just taxi to your place.”   That would have made it sound like the plane was going to land at the airport and then just keep on taxiing down the freeway, through the neighborhood, and right to your door.

No one substituted nouns for verbs back then.  It not only wasn’t done … it wasn’t even thought about.  There was no reason to.  We had perfectly serviceable verbs that could be used for, of all things, verbs.  And anyway, the verbs were unionized.  They would have gone on strike if all of those low-wage nouns started flooding in and taking work away from honest verbs.  And then where would we be?

We’d be using nouns for verbs.


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