I caught myself saying something the other day and it made me realize that perhaps I watch too much Star Trek, and in particular The Next Generation. After thinking about it for a bit, it struck me how much of my vernacular has its roots in ST:TNG. So here is my handy guide to let you know if you’re suffering from Trek-inosis. Feel free to add your own in the comments. Give yourself one point for each one of these you are guilty of.
- You are about to leave your abode. You pause and look down at your pet, who is staring up at you wide eyed and mildly curious. You say to them them, “You have the bridge, Number One” and depart purposefully.
- Someone closes the door to the dishwasher after loading it. They pause and ask you if you have anything else to put in it, or should they start it? You point upwards, pause briefly, then point down at the dishwasher and say, “Engage!”
- You are in a store and have just bought a gizmo. The sales clerk then begins to talk rapidly about the confusing extended warranty options. You look at the person next to you and say, “Analysis, Mr. Data.”
- You get onto an elevator that already has other people on it. You take your position facing forward. As you lean over to push your floor’s button, you then say, “One to beam up”. As the doors close, you say, “Energize”.
- When someone says something to you that is ill-informed, poorly worded, or confusing, you raise one eyebrow and say, “Curious” or “Fascinating”. [I know this was the original series and not TNG, but I still say it a lot.]
- If something stops working (e.g. your computer locks up), you announce dramatically, “He’s dead, Jim!”
- If someone asks you to do something complex or difficult, you say, “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a __________!” [Fill in the blank with something appropriate. For instance, if asked to change a light bulb in a very high light fixture, you can say, “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a member of Cirque du Soleil!”]
- If a piece of electrical equipment begins to make noise as if it is straining, such as a washing machine with an unbalanced load, yell dramatically, “She can’t take much more, Captain!”. Bonus points for saying it in a Scottish accent.
- If someone accidentally bumps into you and you say, “Shields are holding.”
- If you’re riding with someone who is driving too fast or recklessly, as they approach a stop light, you say, “Take us out of warp, lieutenant.”
I have many more, but you get the idea. Surely I’m not alone in this!
Add up your points from above, write them on a little slip of paper, and put them in the empty pickle jar by the door. I’ll be having a drawing later for a door prize.
Add your own examples of Trek-inosis below in the comments if you like.