Biff Rambles On … About His Beginnings as a Rambler


Biff Hiking #3


If today is Tuesday, that must mean it is time for another ramble.  Those of you who know me know that I am forever rambling on about something.  Or, more accurately, I am always just rambling away and need to be found and brought back home.

I should have known way back in my youth that I was going to have a problem with rambling.  My English teachers were forever telling my parents at parent/teacher meetings, “Biff is a fine student, but he does tend to ramble on something awful when he writes.

And that was in the second grade, mind you!

While other’s kids’ essays on “What I Did Over Summer Vacation” consisted of uninspired writing like:

I went swimming. I saw a boat.  A dog bit my sister.  I had ice cream.

Second grade Biff was already a seasoned rambler.  My essay consisted of something along the lines of:

Summer may be a time of footloose frivolity for most people, but I found it to be business as usual at the Biff household.  I fashioned a cubicle in the living room out of an old refrigerator box, and used a small rocking chair and my sister’s toy ironing board as a desk.  Every morning at precisely 8 AM, just after the conclusion of Captain Kangaroo, I repaired thither to sit and compose business letters using my state of the art Speak and Spell™.  Though the user interface can only be described as primitive, it is entirely adequate for most office purposes, though the lack of a spreadsheet function is, I feel, a fatal flaw in an otherwise fine office machine.

“In late June, I requested for Mother to please put all of her communiques in the form of interoffice mail and to distribute them to me in the appropriate envelopes, rather than as scrawled notes in my lunch bag, as the sweat from the refrigerated grapes made them hard to read.  However, her attention to detail is somewhat lackadaisical, perhaps due to her being overly concerned with what is going on on “The Guiding Light”, and so far my mentoring of her has been ineffective.  I may have to resort to having a meeting with her concerning her work habits.

“My sister’s attitude can only be described as recalcitrant and I queried her yesterday if she would perhaps be better suited for a career in, say, Big Wheels or perhaps Hopscotch.  She was most unprofessional and put gum in my hair.  I made a note of her uncooperative attitude and said that I would be putting the matter in front of the CEO when he got home from work later.  She responded by sticking her tongue out at me.  I made a note of same in her employee profile.

Some men are born to greatness.  I was born to sit in a cubicle and write memos.


    • I would sure love to read some of those old newspapers of yours, Cyranny! I bet they were a ripping good read. Do you have any old back-issues you’d like to share with your fans? 🙂


    • That’s awesome! Mom would come home every day for lunch and watch ten or fifteen minutes of “The Guiding Light” while she ate her lunch. During the summers I would watch it with her and found out just how addicting those darn soap operas really were.

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      • Oh, my goodness, yes. I ended up watching almost everything from 12:30-4 pm every weekday for years, and recording it (on my VCR, lol) when I’d be away. I finally broke my habit when hubs and I were going camping for two weeks and I knew I couldn’t record more than a few days’ worth. We came home from that and I never looked back. Now I can’t believe how much time I wasted in front of the TV.

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        • I know! Isn’t it amazing how much of our lives we’ve spent in front of the TV watching things that we just felt we HAD to watch? And then we see that same show 20 years later and we wonder just what it was about that show that addicted us so much. I have nearly given up all TV except for the occasional ST:TNG reruns and, of course, reruns of the Johnny Carson show at 10:30 every night. 🙂

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          • I am the person in our house who is least likely to turn on the TV. We have no channels and only get Netflix because our oldest son pays for it (all three kids still live at home). I might find the time to sit and watch a show maybe twice a week on average. My parents constantly had their TV on, even when we were visiting them for a weekend, and it became such an irritant to me that we couldn’t just converse without shouting over a television.

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            • I hate having the TV on unless I am actually watching it. It is a phenomenal distraction. I have to put on music on my headphones and turn it up to drown out the noise of the TV. I listen to wordless music because lyrics are also distracting when I’m trying to write. I sometimes listen to sound effects (thunderstorms, the ocean, etc.) That helps, too.

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