Even though I was trying to keep a low profile this week, Thursday managed to find me anyway. I attempted to fly under the radar, but that leads to getting tangled up in clotheslines, barbed wire fences, and those strings of triangular banners that adorn the fronts of used car lots.
Do you want to know how not to make a good impression? Show up draped in strings of used car lot banners.
And I am so tired of starting conversations with, “Oh, this? Funny story ….”
Anyway, everything I wrote above is just an example of a little something I call “humorous writing” and what makes it humorous is that I could not possibly lead a more boring life if I set out to do so with a vengeance. The only way I could be more boring would be to speak only in Latin while describing obscure chess moves in a Holiday Inn conference room to an audience consisting of nothing but crash test dummies dressed in beige jump suits.
Even then, I’m not sure that that wouldn’t be more exciting than a typical day in the life of Biff.
How bad would it be if the crash test dummies got up and walked out of my lecture?
And how difficult would it be for someone to crash such a gathering?
And what if a car DID come crashing through the wall of the Holiday Inn and into the crowd of crash test dummies? Would someone yell out, “Oh, the faux humanity!”
Could any useful crash data be gathered?
Do crash test dummies make good witnesses? Or would they choose to remain silent?
Would the police draw chalk outlines around all the dummies?
And when the police interviewed the driver, would he say he was listening to a podcast of some guy speaking in Latin about obscure chess moves, and that caused him to nod off behind the wheel and crash through the Holiday Inn?
Well, I’m putting an end to this before it gets even MORE silly.