Poor Biff’s Almanac — The Alarm Clock Giveth and the Alarm Clock Taketh Away

Poor Biff's Almanac Graphic (Colored) #1 with Alarm Clock

It was another quiet day in Biffville (population:  me).

That is not to say it wasn’t busy.  It was.  It was VERY busy.  But it was the kind of busy that just makes time pass by and doesn’t really leave anything behind (like, say, a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment).  It was the kind of busy that suddenly, right after you wake up, makes it late evening.  This can leave one feeling a little disoriented.  One minute you’re slapping the snooze alarm and struggling to sit upright in bed, and the next you’re making sure the alarm is set as you turn out the light and crawl back into bed.

I think we can all see the problem here.  It is alarm clocks.

If our lives weren’t regulated by these obnoxious little so-and-so’s, life would be much sweeter.  A little more chaotic, perhaps, but a lot more pleasant.

For instance, I could get up at ten AM every morning the way my mind and my body would prefer.  That would be bliss for me!

However, I might find that there’s no coffee in the house, because the thousands of people it takes to get coffee from the coffee plantations of Peru and into a little red bag on my kitchen counter ALSO slept in and just couldn’t be bothered to carry out the mundane, tedious, monotonous tasks required to successfully carry out this miracle of the modern world.

But that wouldn’t matter, because there would be no electricity to power my coffee pot because the thousands upon thousands of people that it takes to get oil out from underneath the Gulf of Mexico, refined, and to the power plant that generates my electricity to power my coffee pot would have ALSO slept in and so that entire, beautiful, perfect chain of events that turns Gulf-of-Mexico sludge into coffee would have come unraveled and fallen apart.

Long story short:  No coffee for Biff.

So, buzz on, Ye Noble Alarm Clock!  Wake us from our peaceful slumbers and send us out into the world to do things we don’t want to do so that we can enjoy the fruits of the labors of others who also got up and did things they did not want to do.

All of humanity is being driven by our mutual dissatisfaction of what we do, and our mutual desire to have others continue to do what they don’t want to do.

It is a house of cards.  But for Gosh Sakes!  Please, nobody stop doing what you’re doing!

 

39 comments

    • Lol! Good one!

      Perhaps I could put a coffee maker beside my bed that’s on a timer. What an effective alarm clock that would be! Imagine waking up to a nice hot cup of coffee right beside your bed. Of course … I’d need a machine to also pour in the creamer and stir it for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Funny post – I and many others are privileged to enjoy your ability to elicit humour from the seemingly mundane. That is the richest vein IMO – it take a certain knack to tease out the funny, and you got it, Biff.

    fyi … Had a double espresso today and churned out about six cartoons. I’ll probably bin 5 of em!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you again, Wilt! I’d like to say that teasing the humor out of the mundane is my superpower, but unfortunately it’s just that I have nothing else to write about. There is very little in my life that isn’t mundane. And, like the experts always say, “Write what you know!”

      Congrats on the six cartoon! I hope to see all six of them on your site soon. Your cartoons are awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, I just found out that comments added at the top of the list… so the below comment should have read…

    “Btw… That long Biiiiiiiif down there… It was much (MUCH) longer! WP has censored me!!

    Booh! WP!”

    Booh! WP!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif

    I say we try your new system for a while… I’d like to get up when my body feels like it is a good timing.

    Oh, and I don’t drink coffee! (Mouarf!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would LOVE to try my system for a while. Unfortunately, doing so would almost certainly result in me living under a freeway overpass in an empty refrigerator box. Not even a box from a name-brand refrigerator, but a cheap knock-off refrigerator.

      And I’m jealous of your non-addiction to coffee. I remember a time in my life when I never drank coffee. Things seemed so much simpler back then.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ok then…. How about you and me try your system, let’s say tomorrow morning! And we don’t tell anybody, and if our respective bosses ask what happened, we can say… hmmm… yeah, let me work on a good excuse…

        And that way, we get to sleep late tomorrow, you don’t end up living in a fridge box, and you can enjoy your hot coffee, and me my cold milk!

        And about that coffee, the funny thing is that I have been raised by two coffee freaks! Mom and Dad are total addicts, they need a cup to be able to sleep!! (not kidding) I always looooooved the smell of coffee, and I try to take a sip every year or so, in case my taste has changed, but I just can’t stand that aweful yuck feeling in my mouth!! LOL

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’m willing to try it even though I’m loathe to find out that I’m not indispensable after all. Over the past several years I’ve built up an elaborate fantasy in my mind wherein the company thinks they can’t live without me. Something tells me that that fantasy would come to an end pretty quickly if I were to start showing up when I please! Lol!

          As for coffee, I was a late bloomer. I never drank it at all until about 8 or 10 years ago. Then I couldn’t stop. But I’m a coffee wuss — I mix about half coffee and half flavored-creamer. It’s relationship to real coffee is tenuous at best.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I would have a hard time convincing myself of such a fantasy…. LOL we get constantly reminded how replaceable we are, here…. In fact, I got my yearly evaluation today, and got a pat in the back (I’ve been told that my customer service is above expectation) and I almost teared up.

            I rely more on my buying loterie tickets 😛 Mouahahahahahaha

            Soooo… There is still hope then?? Maybe when I am old and living alone in my senior home, ranting on what’s left of The Internet as we know them today… Maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to enjoy a cup, at last. And smile a content smile after all these years of asking people if they want to go out for a coffee, but never actually getting to drink one!! Wouaaaaaaaah!

            Liked by 1 person

            • Yes, my annual review is coming up soon, too. I’m sure I’ll get the usual, “I’m sorry … who are you again?” review.

              My advice to you concerning coffee is … if you haven’t started, don’t start! It’s a relatively harmless addiction, but it can get expensive after awhile.

              And I’ll be buying my lottery tickets tomorrow. Or, as I call them, my retirement plan. Lol!

              Liked by 1 person

            • LOL Talking about retirement… Yesterday, when the word popped in the conversation, I told Big Boss “Ohh you know, I don’t think about it so much for now… The estimated year of my retirement sounds like the title of a Sci-Fi movie…”

              At least, he thought I was funny! 😛

              Liked by 2 people

            • Lol! That IS funny. It’s good that he has a sense of humor.

              The really depressing thing is that some of the sci-fi year-type titles from my youth are now in the past! :O Who could have ever imagined that “2001: a Space Odyssey” or “2010” or “Space: 1999” would be in the past someday? Not to mention my personal favorite, “One Million Years B.C.”! Lol!

              Liked by 1 person

            • LOL Imagine people who thought 1984 was like “Whooaaaaaaa, that’s thinking ahead, man!!”

              I liked 1984. And 2001… And Farenheit 451, although it is not a date. I also enjoyed Brave New World, and Soylent Green.

              And more recent movies too. Did you see the last Star Wars?

              Oh right… we were talking about work 😛

              Liked by 1 person

            • Yes, those were all awesome. I read “1984” (as well as “Animal Farm”) in high school and found it very depressing, but thought it a bit fantastical at the time. I didn’t realize that what it foretold would not be happening in 1984, but later on in beginning in the early 2000s when the Internet penetrated itself into every nook and cranny of our public and private lives. I see it playing out pretty much as the book foretold. But I try not to think about that.

              I saw “Soylent Green” in the theater when I was a relatively young lad .. 8 or 9 or thereabouts. It affected me profoundly and darkly, and perhaps I shouldn’t have watched it at such a young age. I watched it again just recently and found it held up amazingly well over the decades. It’s still depressing, though. But I will be forever grateful to it for introducing me to Beethoven’s 6th Symphony. It remains to this day my favorite symphonic peace. Someday, when I, too, “go home”, I hope I am listening to that just as Edward G. Robinson did in the movie. (Coincidentally, Mr. Robinson passed away a few days after filming that scene.)

              As for the last “Star Wars”, I am embarrassed to admit that I haven’t watched a movie in ages. I can’t even remember the last one I saw. And the only “Star Wars” movie I have ever seen is the original one that was released in the early 1980s. I’m not sure how I have managed to miss out on seeing all of them but … well … life does that to us sometimes.

              I now return you to our previous discussion of work. 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

            • I read 1984 and Brave New World as a student too… Brave New World was actually the first book I read when I started my advanced English classes…

              I didn’t know that Mr Robinson had died so shortly after the movie was shot, see, everybody should know you! You’re an endless source of interesting facts!! I didn’t not give you that award in vain!!

              As for Star Wars…. I was only a child when the first episodes were shown in theaters, and funny thing, my first movie at the theater was E.T. in 82 and the year right after that, my uncle brought me to see Return of the Jedi…

              I think it had a good influence on me, inspiring me to be more of a Princess Leïa than a Barbie doll, or a Disney Princess… Then again, I guess no guy would say no to that golden bikini, right 😛

              hmmm… wok? I don’t remember mentionning asian cuisine… Was that what it was all about to begin with? xx

              Like

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