Biff Sock Pow

T’is the Season — To Crank Up the A/C

christmas-card-armadillo-WEB 01

It is Christmastime here in Texas, and do you know what that means?

No?  Neither do us Texans.  December is always a grab-bag of random weather events this time of year.

It might rain so much we feel like we should build an ark and start gathering up our pets … or it might be so dry that people are decorating tumbleweeds instead of Christmas trees.

It might be so cold that it begins to seem plausible that the woolly mammoth may make a comeback and sweep across the plains … or it might be so warm the Christmas carolers wear shorts and tank-tops and flip flops.

We might have a white Christmas as snow drifts down from the heavens … or we might have a brown Christmas as dust drifts in from west Texas and recreates the dust bowl.

In short, we never know just what the hell kind of weather we’re going to have around here in December.  At the moment it is sunny and 80F (27C) and very humid.  But tomorrow the high is only suppose to be 55F (13C) with a slight chance of rain.  And by Christmas?  Who knows?  Rain?  Snow?  Fog?  Gloom of night?  Frogs?  Locusts?

Anyway, it got me to thinking what Christmas carols might have been written if they had originated here in Texas.  Below are some I thought of.  They’re very lame, I admit!

Can you think of any more?  Leave them in the comments if you do!

What Christmas?  (White Christmas)

It’s Beginning To Look a Lot Like Cryostasis  (It’s Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas)

I’ll Have a Blue (Belle) Christmas    (I’ll Have a Blue Christmas — Blue Bell is a local and popular brand of ice cream)

Rudy, the White Toothed Meteorologist  (Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer)

Here Come Sandy Clouds  (Here Comes Santa Claus)

The Little Drover Boy  (The Little Drummer Boy)

Francis, the Lawman  (Frosty the Snowman — Francis Hamer was the Texas Ranger involved in killing Bonnie and Clyde)

Barrel of the Ales  (Carol of the Bells)

O Hail-y Night  (O Holy Night)

 

 

 

 

 

21 comments

  7. Those ‘carols’ are hilarious, I’d be hard-pressed to top any of them!

    Texas is huge so I imagine you run the full gamut of weather. I guess the closer you are to the Gulf Stream and its influence the more ‘pleasant’ the weather? It stuns me that your temps go up so high this time of year!

    Our climate (Pacific NW) seldom goes past 50 F. We are getting 30F or less later this week. Where’s my credit card so I can scrape my windshield!

    We have a white Xmas 1 out of ten years roughly! The rest of Canada laughs at us since we are an oasis of green in the entire country . . .

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    • Thanks, Wilt! I didn’t they they were that great. I had the idea and got very exited about it … but I quickly realized how difficult it was coming up with them, so I abandoned it after 6 or 7.

      I am very jealous of your weather up there. I wish it weren’t so darn hot down here, but that is just Texas and I guess if I don’t like it, I should just leave. 🙂

      I’ve lived in Texas over 30 years and I only remember two white Christmases … and they were back to back just a few years ago. Before that … I don’t ever recall a white Christmas out here. The weather here in North Texas (i.e. Dallas) tends to be very volatile since we are located at the “crossroads” of several “climatological regions”. To the west of us is desert, to the north of us are the great plains, to the east of us is the pine belt, and to the south of us is the Gulf of Mexico. So, as you pointed out, the jetstream oscillates wildly over us, sometimes to the north of us, and sometimes to the south. It’s very crazy.

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      • How interesting! What I should have said that this time of year it stays around 50F. Summers, it goes up to (steady on!) to a sweltering 80F. But we live in basically a rain forest, and that moderates things. I love hearing about your great state. Can you recommend any books or authors who write about Texas, its history, fiction or non?

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  8. Love this! Come 2018, I am going to print out a calendar, take a picture of the weather report here in the North East, and prove that the meteorologist hasn’t got a clue what they are reporting. Each day, I’m going to write down what the weather is truly like, a hit or miss report on if they ever report it correctly, or are they talking out their A_ _. LOL!!!

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    • Thank you, Beckie! I have had a similar thought. I think it is strange that, in this day of the Internet and being able to find any word anyone has ever uttered, we can’t find any evidence of what the meteorologists said just last week. I would love to see a historical record of what the weather was side by side with what all the various weather services PREDICTED it was going to be. I’m willing to bet they were all quite wrong, quite consistently. So I agree with you … I think they just make up the weather report every day and have no clue what is actually going to happen. 🙂

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  10. Very clever. And just so you know — I have a tumbleweed I decorate. I pulled it out of a fence west of Dodge City, Kansas, three years ago, and carried it home in the back seat of my car. It lives high atop a cabinet in the bathroom. I hang tiny gold and silver stars from it, and grin every time I see it.

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