Poor Biff’s Almanac: Post-Thanksgiving Edition

Poor Biff's Almanac Graphic (Colored) #1 with Turkey

I’m not sure how the past week went by so quickly.  Perhaps I slipped into some sort of turkey-induced coma and I’m just now waking up.  I have vague recollections of:

  • putting nearly 1500 miles on the odometer of my car
  • mingling with multitudes of people who, in spite of my doubts, I have come to understand are my relatives
  • consuming more calories per day than a rugby team
  • going to bed at 8 PM simply because there was nothing else to do
  • drinking coffee so strong that I swear I developed a mild case of X-Ray vision after drinking a cup of it.

Still, even with all that, it is hard to believe that time could pass so quickly in rural Alabama.  Normally time there runs about as slow as molasses in January.  And yet, here I am, back in Dallas and back in the same rut I was in before I left.

As I predicted in my previous post, I did indeed get to enjoy some cornbread dressing and giblet gravy.  In fact, I had it two days in a row.  That may have clogged my one remaining artery, so if I start babbling incoherently (more than usual, anyway), just let me know.  In fact, all the food was absolutely wonderful.

Well, okay; I lied.  When people bring covered dishes, there are invariably those dishes that fail to meet expectations.  For instance, when I was going through the line I saw a pan of green beans that had delicious-looking slices of bacon on top of them.  I was excited.  I love green beans and I love bacon, so obviously this was a dish that I would enjoy immensely.  What can go wrong with green beans cooked with bacon?  Plenty, apparently.  The beans were sweet.  SWEET!  Who puts sugar in green beans?  I was incensed.  I ate them, of course, because in my family, wasting food is the eighth deadly sin.  In fact, based on some punishments I received as a child, I think it may be number one on the list (with a bullet).  I came to believe that my relatives would rather me regularly practice the other 7 deadly sins rather than scrape my uneaten oatmeal into the trash.  To this day I cry out in horror when a french fry slips from my fingers and drops between the seat and the console in my car, never to be seen again.  “Oh!” I cry to the heavens while rending my clothing, “If only I were envious or lustful at this moment rather than the wastrel that I obviously am!

Moving on ….

However, there were things that made up for the sweet green beans.  For instance, someone brought a sweet potato casserole with a sweet glaze containing fresh-hulled pecans.  Sweet potato casserole is always a fan favorite, but this one was so heavenly that I thought a riot might break out when it was announced it had all been consumed.  Later it was discovered that someone had licked the dish so clean that the blue cornflower pattern on the CorningWare™ had disappeared.  The culprit was never caught.  (Helpful Hint:  Ginger ale can remove ink stains from the tongue.)

I had my annual slice of pecan pie.  I love the taste of pecan pie, but each slice contains enough calories to feed a small country, so I limit myself to one per year.  I do love pecans, though.  I nearly succumbed to my addiction and bought a bag of in-shell pecans at a country store, but the $38.50 price tag caused me to stagger and fall into a stack of bags of Jim Dandy grits.  I consoled myself with a two dollar bag of grits.  And an RC Cola.  And a Moon Pie.

Well, that is about all of the stream-of-consciousness recollections I can conjure up of the past week.  If I think of more stuff I’ll write some addenda.  But for now I’m going to go do a couple of sit-ups and try to start unclogging my arteries for next year.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

 

 

17 comments

  1. Sounds like your family feast had a tad more sugar than ours, but I tried to make up for that by eating pie. And of course, if we didn’t bring a pecan pie (I do the crust and the wife does the filling) they might not invite us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Dave! I think pecan pie is one of humankinds greatest inventions. If we are ever invaded by space aliens, it will be because they want our pecan pies. And maybe our sweet potato casseroles.

      I hope you and yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds absolutely wonderful Thanksgiving! And my waistline now reminds me what i was missing all these years on the West Coast. Pecans, Moon Pies and RC cola~ And grits. I’ll have to ask my father in law to bring some on his next trip from Alabama. But I think Im safe from sweet green bean casserole.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good post. I enjoy reading about other familys’ meal rituals. Sounds so delicious. I like how you know how decadent and insane it all is, and yet, like all of us, you indulge in it 100%. I wished OUR (Canadian) Thanksgiving had as much variety and pageantry as yours. As it is, we tend to focus on Xmas Day, and even Boxing Day for the feasts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Wilt! It IS rather fascinating to observe how other people celebrate things, isn’t it? I’ve witnessed the full range of Thanksgiving celebrations down here. Anything from not observing it at all, to quiet little meals with just a few people, to all out mega-events with lots of people, food, and craziness. At the end of the day, we mostly just tend to do what our parents did.

      Thanks for the comment!

      Like

  4. Oh Corning ware! Is that “vintage” now? I remember those, but haven’t seen one in a long time. It sounds like you had a great feast, which is a requirement to be a good American, well done! I am doing sit ups with you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Dtills! I am doing virtual sit ups in my mind, which I understand are just as effective as the physical kind, but without all the unseemly straining and suffering. 😀

      I hope you had a great Thanksgiving too!

      Liked by 1 person

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