Biff Sock Pow

Finding the humor in everyday life.

Poor Biff’s Almanac: The State of the Blog Report

It’s hard to believe that we’re already halfway through April.  It seems like just a day or two ago that I was bemoaning the fact that the Christmas holidays were over and that I had to return to work after being off for two weeks.  It was January 3, 2017 and the new year yawned in front of me like that stretch of desert highway that is used ubiquitously in movies and pictures to signify a long, arduous (and probably interminable) journey ahead.

desert_road_marking_4896_1920x1080.jpg

 

And yet, somehow it is already midway through April.  We are already more than a quarter through the “new” year.

Except that it isn’t that new any more.  It is a slightly used year.  One owner.  Low miles.  Non smoker.  Maintenance records upon request.  Shimmies slightly when accelerating.

If I was a business (and thankfully, I’m not), I would have had to write a quarterly report, explaining our losses to date and presenting plans for recovery in the second quarter.  It might go something like this:

Blog post inventory was high, but low foot traffic led to a year-over-year loss in same-blog readership over the same quarter last year.  A slow January start (seasonally adjusted) was followed by a strong February.  Month-to-date (MTD) data for March looked impressive, but when scaled to account for the 5-week month, performance was slightly below February’s numbers.  April is shaping up to be disappointing, especially among new readers.
An unusually warm 1st quarter led to declining rates of torpidity among readers as they sought more fulfilling activities out of doors.  Long term forecasts indicate seasonably warm temperatures for the 2nd quarter and so torpidity rates are not likely to increase, and thus readership is expected to continue declining.

So there you have it.  That’s how empty the well of ideas is.  I’ll try to come up with something soon.  If I can’t find something interesting in my real life, I may have to resort to writing more fiction.

(No, that was not a threat.)

 

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4 thoughts on “Poor Biff’s Almanac: The State of the Blog Report

  1. Really though torpor is an underestimated state to be in. I’d put in a good word for it but we did just have a lot of dinner.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think you may have found a solution for the general warming trend: focus on the indolent mass of pale-complexioned, sun-adverse readership. Really, sometimes you need to get out and row through the doldrums. Generally, I can find a little creativity on those days – my emailed status reports are acceptable fiction.

    Like

  3. I can relate to the slowing trend, but then I’ve only been posting about half as often. Guess I’m going to have to give hell to the production line.

    Like

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