Poor Biff’s Almanac — Friday Afternoon Edition
At long last it is Friday.
Yep, I’m standing on the threshold of another weekend that starts out as an overly-ambitious to-do list but that ends up as a rumpled piece of paper in the recycling bin with nary a check-mark on it. Usually, my sole accomplishment for the weekend is coming up with the to-do list. My enthusiasm wanes pretty quickly after writing down the list.
But this weekend will be different.
For one thing, I am not going to make a list this weekend. It would be pointless since it is Easter weekend. My to-do list this weekend would look something like this:
- Go to Target and look at all of their Easter candy and basket-stuffing knick-knacks. Browse for 30 minutes without picking up a single thing. Become disillusioned with the modern world. Leave Target.
- Go to World Market and buy a bunch of overpriced German and Belgian chocolates in cool shapes and packages.
- Return home and assemble an Easter basket while suffering buyer’s remorse at having spent $100 on chocolate that will sit in the pantry for six months and then get thrown away.
- Boil eggs.
- Use all the eggs that cracked during boiling to make egg salad.
- Ponder if anyone likes egg salad besides me.
- Shrug shoulders and realize it doesn’t make any difference. Just more for me.
- Suffer another bout of buyer’s remorse regarding the overpriced candy and doo-dads, but eat a big dollop of egg salad to blunt the remorse.
- Ruminate on how saving for retirement is really just a fool’s errand anyway.
- Get everyone together to dye Easter eggs. Discover once again that dipping an egg in all of the colors just makes brown eggs. Also realize once again that I don’t have an artistic cell in my body.
- Ponder briefly on if I can pass off brown Easter eggs as organic, free range, eggs.
- Travel to visit in-laws. Eat too much. (This seems to be common to all holidays.)
- Spend the post-Easter denouement Sunday night eating chocolate and egg salad.
- Wonder just what the heck I am doing with my life.
I think it is pretty obvious why I am not making a to-do list this weekend.
Happy Easter, everyone!