Poor Biff’s Almanac — Wednesday Night Edition
If I haven’t written much in my blog the past few days, it is because there hasn’t been much to write about. Now, I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say, “Well, Biff, that’s never stopped you before!” And you’d be right, of course. A lack of interesting material has certainly never deterred me from writing absolute blather for several paragraphs. And tonight will be no different, so I apologize in advance. You might want to put on your smock and safety glasses.
It is unseasonably warm here in Dallas today. (Weather talk is the last refuge of the desperate writer). It hit a high of about 80 F (26 C) today. This is wreaking havoc. I saw a mayfly yesterday, which is a full 3 months early. Usually they are on back-order until at least late March. So, if I see a June bug this week I will just have to throw up my hands dramatically, or maybe even melodramatically, and exclaim, “Well now I’ve seen everything!” Or perhaps, “This is madness!” Or maybe even, “OMG! There’s a June bug tangled up in my hair!” Getting a June bug in one’s hair is every Southerner’s worst nightmare, even more than rattlesnakes, black widows, or rabid raccoons. Getting a June bug tangled up in your hair will make you injure yourself in horrific (though admittedly comical) ways.
In other signs that it is entirely too warm outside, there were crickets outside wailing so loudly last night that I thought the compressor in the air conditioner was about to go out. I went outside to investigate and found out that it was not a compressor about to losing its bearings (who isn’t?), but just a lonely cricket. But that boy could fiddle! I wished him well on his romantic pursuits, turned to go back inside, and nearly tripped over a bunny. All that was lacking was a faun and a skunk to be able to recreate the spring scene from Bambi. As I walked back inside, I could smell the hyacinth blooming … or perhaps it was the generous dose of Flonase I had taken a few hours earlier in a desperate gambit to do a little breathing before turning in.
But it’s just as well. I’ve discovered that too much oxygen makes me hallucinate.